The michael5000 Community Calendar -- Nov. 2009

I've done a lot of posting on this blog about events I've been to, which of course has a natural logic to it. But I've been thinking maybe I should talk from time to time about upcoming events, so that instead of saying "damn, that would have been fun" you can say "damn, I should go to that!" Unless you are a well-spoken person who doesn't say "damn" very often.

Coming Events

In Progress -- DorkFest. The DorkFest judges are currently in conclave. Once they have reached a decision, the new Dork and Vice-Dork will be announced in these pages.

Tuesday, November 3rd -- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. The Academy Theater. Mrs.5000 and I are in the habit of watching the movies of the Harry Potter franchise as they come down the pike. By "down the pike," I mean "when they get to the second-run theaters." Mrs.5000 and I don't do first-run theaters. Note: This movie may be playing at other dates and locations as well.

Friday, November 6th -- The Dark Season. This date is half-way between the Fall Equinox and the Spring Solstice, and is thus the first day of the darkest, grimmest, most horrible quarter of the year for those of us who live in the Northern Hemisphere. Note: Those of you who live in the Southern Hemisphere may be laughing now, but let's talk in May.

Sunday, November 8th -- Willamette Falls Symphony "Russian Adventure" Concert. Oregon City's amateur orchestra presents a concert headlined with Tchaikovsky's loveable and popular 5th Symphony. I talked about the WFS back here. Ten bucks gives you the chance to support a community orchestra and, as a special bonus, check out the trumpet stylings of frequent L&TM5K commenter Ben.

Sunday, November 8th -- Discussion begins for the Early Modern Underground's Collaborative Online Reading of the play ‘Tis Pity She’s a Whore, by the approximate Shakespeare contempory John Ford. The EMU is wrangled by frequent L&TM5K commenter Jennifer and is an inclusive group; I'll be joining them for this reading.

Saturday, November 14th -- Consonare Chorale "Music of the Spheres" Concert. Classical and semi-classical vocal pieces on the themes of "the grandeur of the universe and smallness of the individual coexisting simultaneously." Featuring frequent L&TM5K commenter Kate.

Friday, November 20th -- Portland Columbia Symphony Orchestra "Brush Up Your Shakespeare" Concert. I really can't recommend Portland's semi-professional orchestra highly enough. Great sound, great venue, great value. This concert of Shakespeare-inspired works is also the official kickoff event for the Renaissance Man Shakespeare-reading project.

November 21st - November 29th -- Home Improvement Fest 2009. Mrs.5000 & I will take a one-week "staycation" in a spasm of labor thrown at the maintainance and improvement of Castle5000. In specific, we will attempt to finally make some discernable progress on the venerable upstairs bathroom project.

Thursday, November 26th -- American Thanksgiving

Thursday, February 11th -- Portland Opera, Cosi Fan Tutte. Hey, it's still a long ways off, but this production of my favorite opera should be awesome. And the nice thing about opera is that the seats right up close to the stage and off to the side -- where I just happen to like to sit -- are considered undesireable. They are at the fire-sale price of $25. Tickets aren't formally on sale yet, but if you call the box office and ask nicely, they'll hook you up.

• If you would like to add your event to the michael5000 Community Calendar, say so in the comments.
  
  
• If you would like to remove your event from the michael5000 Community Calendar, fair enough.
  
  
• If you would like to join Mrs.5000 and/or I for any of the above events, let us know! This applies in particular to Home Improvement Fest 2009.

Halloween Special: Spreading the Bat Love

In Outraged Opposition to Business or Leisure?

(Names have been changed to those of people I went to high school with. Not sure why.)

me: Liz, how do you feel about bats?
Liz: baseball bats, or flittery bats that sleep upside down and use sonar?
me: The flittery ones.
Liz: It is my opinion that they are neat.
me: They're awesome, am I right?
Liz: Yes, I would even go so far as to say they are awesome, considering their swoopyness and mosquito-eating.
me: I'm glad we are of one mind on this.
Liz: Me too


me: Cindy, how do you feel about bats?
You can think about it and get back to me if you like.
Cindy: sorry, too absorbed in social opportunity crafting
me: I understand.
Cindy: i.e., glued to gmail trying to calibrate four persons' schedule so we can drink cocktails dammit
but how about you?! :)
me: Me?
I'm pro-bat.
Cindy: Bats are OK but only if far away.
me: Bats are awesome.
They control the insect population and what-not.
Plus, they flit about!
Cindy: We couldn't sleep one night in El Salvador 'cause the bats were throwing themselves up to our interior eaves about every .5 minute.
me: Well, back to work for me.
Bat love, baby.
Cindy: Fly on, Michael!


me: Steve, how do you feel about bats?
Steve: hmm. i think bats are pretty cool. they're kind of ugly, but that's not really their fault, right? why?
me: Right. It ISN'T their fault.
Steve: they provide a pretty cool ecological service and, let's face it, sonar is pretty badass.
me: Totally badass.
I'm spreading the pre-Halloween bat love.
Steve: ah. good. do it.
me: Bats are the shit.
Steve: they deserve way more love than they get too.
me: I'm glad we see eye to eye on this one.


me: So Tina, how do you feel about bats?
Tina: baseball bats?
me: No no
BATS bats.
Hanging upside down...
Tina: gross.
me: Oh come on!
Bats are awesome!
Tina: Not going to help you get rid of a bat in your attic.
me: You have to admit they're very ecofriendly.
Being part of the ecosystem and all.
Tina: Yes, they are, and I appreciate all that they do.
But I still don't like them.
Why?
me: I'm just trying to spread some pre-Halloween bat love.
Tina: oh okay.


me: Sherri, how do you feel about bats?
If you're too busy, I'll just put you down for "Bats are awesome."
Sherri: bats, eh?
i have no problem with them, but that's because i have very little interaction with them
me: They're cute in a battish sort of way.
Sherri: i think only the good looking, caught on a nature special ones are.
run of the mill bats are just that
me: Every bat is beautiful in its own way, Sherri.
Plus, they control the insect population and what not.
Sherri: one of those things is true
me: You just want the benefits of bats without giving anything in return.
Bat user.
Sherri: precisely
if nothing else, i am a bat user


me: Hi, Stephanie.
Taking a poll: are you pro-bat or anti-bat?
Stephanie: Hey Michael. I'm not sure.
me: Well, they're good about keeping down the insect population....
Plus, the whole sonar thing is AWFULLY cool...
Stephanie: i guess i'm actualy pro-bat
me: EXCELLENT!
(I guess I'm a little biased about this poll)
Stephanie: haha. cool.


me: John, how do you feel about bats?
John: baseball or vampire?
me: Well, vampire.
And their kin.
John: they are pretty cool...I like how they fly right toward you and barely miss all because they heard you were there
me: Good answer.
Bats are awesome.


me: How do you feel about bats, Maureen?
Maureen: I like bats!
Bats are cute, and they eat insects, and I'm sad that they're being wiped out by the fungus.
me: Good answer.
Bats are great!
Maureen: Whence comes this line of conversation?
me: I urge you to spread the bat love this Halloween season.
Maureen: Okay.
We sometimes put a mechanical bat up that drops down and squeaks and frightens people.
The Halloween decorations are my husband's deal, though, not mine.
He got rid of the too-lifelike rats after last year.
me: If it spreads the love, that's OK in my book.
Maureen: Dunno about it spreading the love.


me: So Linda, what are your thoughts on bats?
Linda: as in the animal?
me: Yes.
Linda: I am pretty neutral...I mean they exist, they don't hurt anyone, they eat the mosquitos
me: Yes!
Linda: I don't want them in my hair, but otherwise I'm cool with them
why?
me: I'm trying to spread the bat love this Halloween season.
Linda: excellent
me: Did you know that without bats, civilization as we know it would not even be possible?
Linda: please tell me why that is?
me: Well, actually I kind of made that up.
But, I bet you could make a case.
Linda: I'm sure you could


me: I'm taking a poll, Sara.
Are you pro-bat or anti-bat?
Sara: What?
me: You know, bats!
Hang upside down, leathery wings, sonar!
For them, or against them?
Sara: Against
Creep me out
me: NO WAY!
I was hoping for something more like "bats are awesome."
Sara: haha
i gotta go.

Dork Map Friday

OK, this has nothing to do with DorkFest. Nothing at all. But, I finally colored in my county map after last month's road trip and, per tradition, am showing it here.

The whole pencil-and-paper thing is getting pretty old-school at this point, so I found a good base map and have started the process of coloring it in. So far, though, I've only got as far as 1991.

Yeah, so that (plus a few Alaska boroughs) was the extent of my travels after four years of college and a couple of what felt like "big road trips" during my first year out. I'm a -- what's the word? Oh, "hick."

I found this map while I was leafing through the county notebook. It's from only about five or six years later, 1997ish. It shows the percentage of counties I'd tallied for each state.

So black is 100%, brown 72%, purple 41 - 52%, blue 30-34%, green 15-22%, and yellow 2-7%.

It was satisfying to apply the same scale to my current "collection." The percentages aren't clustered the same way anymore, so on this one, black is still 100%, brown 72-99%, purple 41-71%, blue 30-40%, green 15-29%, and yellow 2-14%.

Cartophiliac has his county map online. Where's yours?

---

Anyone doing DorkFest: be advised that I am going to be offline all day Saturday. So, we'll take a look at the ol' entries when I get home on Sunday.

---

The Library Sale CD Trove II

Reviewing my CD finds from half-price day at the Friends of the Multnomah County Library Annual Booksale.

Béla Bartók
Duke Bluebeard’s Castle
BBC National Orchestra of Wales
Gwynne Howell, Sally Burgess, soloists
Sung in English (translated from the Hungarian)

When you hear that Béla Bartók based his compositions on the folk music of his native Hungary, you start off by imagining the jolly music of the simple village folk. But then, you discover that the village folk of Hungary have some rather different ideas about harmony than you do. And then you come to realize that Bartók wasn't so much arranging perky folk melodies for orchestra as stripping them down to their music-theoretical genome and then building his own pieces up from the resultant musical fragments.

Bartók is therefore not an approachable, easy-to-love folksong-influenced composer like, say, the "Bohemian" Dvorak or Britain's Vaughn Williams. His music ranges from the mildly challenging (Concerto for Orchestra) to Oh-My-God dense and angular (The String Quartets), and when push "play" on a new piece, you never quite know which Bartók you'll be working with.

It turns out, though, that Duke Bluebeard's Castle is fairly accessible both as Bartók and as opera. It is a modernist piece in one act, scored for only two voices and intended to be staged with very simple, spartan sets and lighting effects. The plot goes like this: Duke Bluebeard (no, he’s not a pirate) brings his new wife home to his castle, and she immediately wants to open up the seven doors around the main room and let some light and air into the place. Bluebeard suggests that this might not be a great idea, but Mrs. Bluebeard persists and persists, opening one door after another, until eventually she opens the seventh door and then kind of wishes she hadn't.

One of the reasons that Bluebeard works for the casual modern listener is that it is a horror opera. Many people have trouble with dissonant orchestral music in general, but we are completely accustomed to it in soundtracks to horror or suspense movies. Because of this, it feels appropriate for an opera which consists of a rising arc of seven suspenseful scenes -- as Mrs. Bluebeard talks her way into opening each of the doors, all leading to what we're pretty sure must be bad news behind door number seven. Grisly details along the way -- a torture chamber, a garden watered in blood -- complete the grim mood, and seem well-matched with the orchestra’s dense, gnashing chords.

I've heard a few Mozart operas sung in English, and the effect has always been pretty nasty on my ear. Bluebeard sounds just fine in English, though, maybe because of its modernism, or because of its obscurity, or whatever. I'm not sure. This 1993 recording, one of the CDs that is (was?) sent out with every edition of BBC Music magazine, is clear as a bell, so much so it's startling at the end when the audience starts applauding -- where did they come from?

Prognosis: Will keep CD. It's never going to be in heavy rotation, but it will be a good go-to disc whenever that ol' lesser-known modernist opera bug comes biting.

What? The lesser-known modernist opera bug never bites you? Weird.


Available butt-cheap on Amazon if you’re into this kind of thing.

DorkFest '09 Mid-Week Report

Well, it's been a quiet DorkFest thus far. Where in years past, contestants were savagely throwing elbows in a frantic attempt to clarify that they, THEY, were the dorkiest of them all, so far we have only seen a few modestly asserted claims to dorkitude.

I did, I must say, receive one Email message professing a truly awe-inspiring level of dork, but the writer emphasized that he or she was not participating in DorkFest, that if elected Dork he or she would not serve, and also kind of implied that if I confided to you the readers who he or she was and the nature of his or her dorky achievements, that he or she would track me down and break my kneecaps.

So, the field remains wide open.

Naturally, there have been numerous theories circulating as to why the 'Fest has been so quiet thus far.

1. Strategically-minded Dorks are planning to submit their material at the last minute, so it can't be picked over and undercut by the competition.
2. Everyone is spending every waking hour polishing their Dork resume.
3. Even the simplest video documentaries detailing one's dorkiness takes a few days to put together.
4. After seeing the hell that Rex Parker and g went through, who would want to be Blog Dork?
5. No one is feeling dorky in these troubled economic times.
6. Dorkiness? That's so 2008.
7. The gag is getting old.

Whatever! You have until Friday to state your Dork credentials, here in the comments, via email to m5kdecathlon at gmail, or on your own blog or website (just make sure to leave a trail of crumbs). And if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, it's all explained right.... here.

The Great Movies: "Do the Right Thing"

Do the Right Thing
Spike Lee, 1989

Previous Contact: I watched Do the Right Thing on the big screen at its original release. At the time I thought it was OK but felt a little sheepish about not liking it better, since there seemed to be pretty much universal critical enthusiasm. On this watching, I expected to "get it" and love it.

- - - -

Do the Right Thing is intended as a parable about racial tension. It is played out on a block in the Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of New York City which is also carefully crafted to stand in as an Anytown, U.S.A., as wholesome on the surface and as gently seedy underneath as any Mayberry. Everyone knows everyone else in this village, and the cast is as large and as packed with colorful personalities as a Dickens novel. The movie progresses as a long series of stylized vignettes where small groups of characters have conversations in colorful settings which, even when they are outdoors, are still contrived to seem enclosed and intimate.

The most singular feature of the movie is the steadfast moral ambiguity of its characters. Even though the action takes place over only a dozen hours or so, every character is given a chance to show his or her dark side. We are asked, ultimately, to be shocked at the possibly racially-related death of one of the characters -- but we have seen him, earlier in the film, spew out his own hateful stream of racism as well. We are asked, perhaps, to feel for a man who loses his livelihood and what remains of his innocence in a small race riot -- but we've also seen his own inflexibility around racial issues. We see washed-up neighborhood bums who rise to opportunities to do good, and articulate, energetic young people who think that it's fun to wander around stirring up trouble and negativity. By the end of the movie, they've stirred up quite a bit of both.

Then there's Mooky, more or less the protagonist, who we meet at the beginning of the movie as a mellow, soft-spoken, intelligent, working man out for a honest day's work. As events progress, we gradually realize that he's a deadbeat dad and chronic screw-up who isn't so much working as allowing an employer to pay him for making his daily social rounds. Late in the film, he's shown looking tired and disgusted with all of the building tension and violence. He sighs thoughtfully and then, with an air of resignation, knowingly performs an act that transforms tension into riot. It's a weird moment.

"Do the Right Thing" is an interesting title for a movie in which events deteriorate as the cumulative effect of numerous people failing to cut their neighbors a break. At a dozen or so points in the plot, characters have an easy opportunity to back down, to let it slide, to chill out; instead, they choose to grease the slide toward the final spasm of violence. Everyone is a little too sure of themselves; no one does the right thing.

The movie famously ends with a pair of quotations, one by Dr. King decrying violence as a means of combating racism and one by Malcolm X defending it. The King quote is especially apt to the film, but the Malcolm X quote is a non sequitur. Although racism saturates the story and world of Do the Right Thing, none of the violence that eventually erupts is a means of combating racism, or self-defense against racism, or even a taking of revenge for racism. It's a sheer spasm of human destructiveness, pure and simple.

Plot: It's a hot day in Brooklyn, and everybody's out on the street. Down at Sal's Pizzeria, there are overlapping, escalating arguments among the basically decent small businessman Sal, his wimpy younger son, his hateful older son (a character who Lee seems to have forgotten to give any redeeming features, which screws up the otherwise pristine ambiguity), his employee Mooky, and two neighborhood kids, the enormous, taciturn Radio Raheem and the diminutive, garrulous Buggin'Out. Nobody pays attention to anyone else's priorities. Trouble ensues.

Visuals: The brightly colored, brightly lit sets render Bed-Stuy as something like the Fisher-Price village, a sweet, wholesome community almost surprised on this summer day to find trouble in its midst.

This is, it must be said, a movie that is starting to show its age. The characters of the film sport the height of fashion for 1989, which of course looks ridiculous to us from our current spot on the cultural long wave. To my surprise, the title music (by Public Enemy) doesn't sound anywhere near as urgent or powerful as I remember it doing at the time. Interestingly, for a film about racial tension in Brooklyn in the 1980s, there is no evidence that illegal drugs are a problem in peoples’ lives, or for that matter that they even exist.

Dialog: This is a dialog-based film with a solid script. It each of its many vignettes, characters articulate or embody ideas about race and racism; this gives the movie a slightly staged, even didactic feel, yet the characters are complex enough, and the acting solid enough, to handle the political content without cracking.

Prognosis: The very quality that makes Do the Right Thing intellectually interesting – the ambiguity of its characters – also make it frustrating to sit through. It’s hard to watch a group of more or less likeable people make bad decision after bad decision when better decisions are available and would cost them little – you want to reach into the film and knock heads together. It's also frustrating to have Lee imply, through those quotes at the end, that he's shown you something profound about how racism works at the street level: people just get more and more frustrated until, pow! things get violent. Without those quotes, the movie becomes a much more tenable case study in how things, in any given context, simply go better for everybody when people listen to each others' concerns and maybe even back down once in a while. And that’s the truth, Ruth.

DorkFest '09!

Gentle Readers, here we are once again in October. It's a magical time, this mid-season of college football, a time for rediscovering the joys of raking, for a better-than-usual spot market for pumpkins, for depressive meditations on the deteriorating weather, and for teaching our children how to beg aggressively in costume! But best of all, it's time for DorkFest!!!

DorkFest '09!

DorkFest is many things to many people. Really, it is; I realized this when I Googled it a few minutes ago. It's a failed gaming blog! It's a San Fransisco Indie Music Festival! And another one in North Carolina! Plus the Urban Dictionary has some typically lame definitions. But what we are talking about when we say "DorkFest" here, of course, is the sacred annual celebration of personal dorkitude and the mechanism by which this Blog selects its high officers:

The L&TM5K Dork provides a range of ceremonial functions within the L&TM5K community, most of which are fulfilled merely by existing as the Blog Dork. The Dork must also be prepared to take on occasional practical tasks, such as picking a random number to determine the next book on the Reading List and so on. During one's tenure as Dork, one is expected always to act in a dorky manner befitting the high intellectual and moral standards of the L&TM5K readership and the larger dork population.

The L&TM5K Vice-Dork must stand ready to assume all the responsibilities of the L&TM5K Dork in the event of the Dork's incapacitation, decapitation, or defenestration. The Vice-Dork may also be asked to pitch in with the practical tasks as well. During one's tenure as Vice-Dork, one is expected always to seethe in resentment of the Dork, who is clearly not nearly as qualified for the position and is not doing nearly as good a job as one would have done oneself.

But let us first pause to salute the 2008-09 officers, who have served bravely and well. I speak of Lame Duck Dork Rex Parker, and Lame Duck Vice-Dork Rebel. They have trod with distinction in the footsteps of '07-'08 Honorable Dork Emeritus g and '07-'08 Honorable Vice-Dork Emeritus Fingerstothebone.

By the bylaws of the blog, the sitting Dork is not eligible to run again for the year immediately after his tenure, but will instead assist me -- michael5000 -- in the selection of his successor. The Vice-Dork, however, is free to return to the fray, seething with resentment that she does not automatically ascend to Dork. Past Dorks and Vice-Dorks are also eligible.

Are You Dork Enough?

For the remainder of the week -- through Friday the 30th -- we will be accepting submissions of evidence. These may be in any of the following formats:

• DorkFest Classic: Back in the days of the very first DorkFest, most contestants made a few dorky assertions about themselves in the comments, then compulsively returned later to disparage other peoples' entries and puff up their own dork credentials. This traditional form of entry still retains its charms.
  
• The Dork Resume: A resume laying out your training, experience, and special skills in the field of dorkiness may be sent in .doc or .pdf format to M5KDecathlon {at} gmail.com.
  
• The Dorky Post: You may make a case for your own dorky qualifications on your own blog, or any other publically available website. Just don't forget to post a link in the comments, to make sure it gets seen by the committee.
  
• The Multimedia Dork: Songs, videos, photoessays... Post a link, or send 'em to M5KDecathlon {at} gmail.com.


• Combinaciones: Combinations of any of the above are perfectly acceptable.

What is Dork?

During past fests, complaints over the uncertain definition of "dorky" has been an entertaining sideshow. But this year, for no particular reason, I provide the following definition: The essence of dork is an esoteric enthusiasm. A dork partakes of a passion for and/or special abilities in one or more fields of endeavor which the majority of their peers would reject as obscure, marginal, or potentially embarassing. Classically, although not necessarily, a dork is also characterized by a certain degree of social awkwardness.

Fair Notices

Anything you submit to the M5KDecathlon address might get posted.

The L&TM5K is not responsible to any damage to reputation, self-esteem, or social "pull" you may incur due to participation in DorkFest '09.

If you decline to participate because you are afraid you might lose and be very sad about losing, you probably deserve to win. But you can't, because you declined to participate. This is what is termed a "Catch-22."

The decisions of the Dork selection committee are final. Dorky as it might be to have a long, running battle about who is really dorkiest, it would distract from other, more important issues that we will need to address, such as my opinion of obscure old movies that nobody cares about.

Material Reward!

Per tradition, the winner of DorkFest will be awarded the Third Annual Mr. Shain Memorial $16.40 Starbucks Gift Card!!!