Monday, October 19, 2009

New Extremes in Billboard Hate

Long-standing readers will perhaps remember my previous tirades against the loathsomeness of what I call Happy-Person Advertising, and of the odious billboards of one City of Roses credit union in particular. But you know what? Several of the subsequent billboards in their series weren't quite so bad. They were still basically Happy-Person Advertising, but with some sort of gesture toward financial services. I remember that there was one of a punkish young woman holding a piggy bank. There was one, I believe, of a woman who appeared to be holding some money. So, they weren't just randomly ecstatic. That, for me, kicked the ads a couple notches up toward mediocrity.

Which is why I was so disappointed to see this billboard this weekend on beautiful SE Powell Boulevard.



Yes, that's right. The folks at the Rivermark Credit Union -- for let us now name names -- have gone from merely insultingly stupid advertising to out-and-out child exploitation! Do you think their cute lil' spokesmodel there is old enough to have a well-developed perspective on the relative merit of consumer checking accounts? Is he even, technically, legally eligible to have his own checking account? Call me crazy, but I don't put much stock in his endorsement.


Now obviously, this child had no idea when he was being photographed that he was giving the thumbs-up to a modest rate of return on funds held in a checking account. In all likelihood the Rivermark people bought some stock photos from a vendor, and it would not surprise me if the same boy can be seen giving the same thumbs-up to a chain of for-profit hospitals in the Florida panhandle, or whatever. But this is exactly what makes the ad both insulting and creepy: they believe that they can show me a random picture of a cute child, free of all context, and I will thereby instinctively be moved to do their bidding. To the extent that this works -- no doubt their advertising firm has all sorts of impressive numbers for them -- it is sinister indeed.

Incidentally, let's think about 3% checking. Let's say you are prosperous enough that you keep around $2000 dollars in your checking account -- I'll assume that if you are strapped, you have a lower average, and if you are well-off, you've got better places for your dosh than your checking account. A 3% yield over the course of a year would land you $60, or $5.00 a month. That's not bad -- you could buy a pack of cigs every month, or take someone out to eat once or twice a year. But it's hardly an amount of money to get excited about.... unless you're a child! If you offered to give a child the $5/month return on your checking account, he'd probably be stoked! He'd probably give you a big thumbs-up! So maybe that's what this is all about.


UPDATE: Update: I am only just now noticing that there appears to be about a paragraph of text set just underneath the lad's outstretched fist. It doesn't exactly call attention to itself, does it. One wonders what sort of legally-required protective language is up there -- "3% annual reward must be claimed in person at home office in Khartoum, Sudan"? -- and how many drivers are able to parse it as they zip by the sign at 40 miles per hour.

15 comments:

jovaliquilts said...

Busey Bank in my town has coined its own word, "giggliteful," to describe itself because it's so much fun to bank there. So delightful it causes giggling. Maybe they just can't tell the difference between laughing with them and laughing at them.

Cartophiliac said...

Years ago, when I still lived in Michigan, two of the largest banks in the state merged and renamed themselves "Comerica"

Comerica? What the hell is that?

I thought the name was so idiotic, I took all my money out.

Jennifer said...

The juxtaposition of the happy kid with the adult video sign lends a whole different level of creepiness to the situation for me.

Elaine said...

"The Man Who Thought about Billboards Too Much"... wasn't that a movie?

I think, take a seat and close your eyes, listen to some Mozart or von Dittersdorf.... deeeeep breaths....

The Calico Cat said...

I am apparently not the first, but I thought that he was all thumbs up becasue he was right next to the Adult Video shop!

Elizabeth said...

There's a sign at about SE 7th and Madison that says "Brand Spanking New Banking" which is I think for Chase, since they took over Washington Mutual or whatever, but to me seems a bit kinky. Maybe the sign's next to an adult video store, too ...

mrs.5000 said...

It may be a thumbs-up sign, yet my first impression is more "stick-'em-up"--look, how cute, little Johnny is playing Rivermark Bandit in the backyard again. This is the cute smile he flashes between saying "Gimmee all your money, big guy," and blowing you away.

Rex Parker said...

What is a "For Sale Zone?"

I like how you called that street "beautiful." I'm sure Adult Outlet owners everywhere thank you.

rp

Ben said...

I was going to make some comment on the billboard being juxtaposed between the adult video store and the (probably foreclosed) property with the "For Sale" sign, but I think that has been adequately covered in previous comments.

I think the little gangster is so happy because he's going to earn enough money on his checking accounts for a pack of smokes every month.

Michael5000 said...

@jovali: "Giggliteful" is appallifying. I think it's OK to rob a bank with that slogan. What jury would convict you?

@Carto: My credit union, formerly the respectible Portland Teachers' FCU, adopted an incredibly bland name that I can never remember. It's irritating, but between inertia and good service I did not vote with my feet.

@Jennifer: The image of the child has no more logical connection to the credit union than it does to the porn shop. Why NOT use the same stock photo for an adult video store? "Lil' Sammy says 'Thumbs Up' for porn!!!"

@Elaine: Advertising's goal is to get you to spend your money according to someone else's priority. The only defense is to pay attention to it.

@Elizabeth: Now ~kinky~ banking -- there's a concept! "You've been very naughty and bounced a check: no spanking for you this month!"

@Rex: ALL the streets in the City of Roses are beautiful.

Oh, and it's "FOR SALE (as property subject to the regulations of) Zone GC"

@Ben: Yeah, and he's probably actually 35 years old, but has just had his growth stunted by all that smoking.

Jenners said...

God ... you just think WAAAAAAAY too much!

Auckland property manager said...

First of all ,I should say take it easy and relax yourself.What you said is absolutely right,since there are so many billboards which without the care of children.Besides,it seems that not only in USA,but also in other countries where billboards are very common,and what can we do?Maybe just pray for them who is cheated.

Elaine said...

What he said. Or, maybe OUCH! Is this our Korean friend? Again?

Elaine said...

What happened to my comment???? This has happened before.

RE Auckland....yikes. Maybe it's our Korean friends...on coke?

Michael5000 said...

@Jenners: I don't FEEL like I think too much...

@Auckland p.m.: You may be underestimating the extent to which I am already relaxed and taking it easy. If I pushed it any harder it would get positively slothful.

@Elaine: Not to worry! When you comment on a post more than 24 hours old, you have to placate the robot sentry -- which you did just fine -- and then I have to come along and "approve" the comment. It is a mild inconvenience made necessary by our Taiwanese huckster friends.