MRTB Rides Again!

Today is the sixth Monday since I resumed publication of my original blog, Michael Reads the Bible.  When I decided I was going to do a great big serial book report on the foundational text of Western religion, I realized that it might take a while:

Groundrule VI: The timeline is loose. I don't intend to put down all other reading while I'm working on this, and the writing process will slow things down. I'm guessing it will take more than a year, all told.

So yeah, that was eight years ago, and I'm roughly 2/3 of the way through.  But at least I'm making forward progress again.

I had an hour to kill the other day and, just out of curiosity, threw together a little infographic charting my Bible-blog productivity per month.

You can tell that I rather hit the wall when I got to the major prophets. 

So, why did the Bible project hit the skids in 2010, and then disappear altogether in 2012?  Well, there's lots of reasons of course, including but not limited to developments at work, other home and hobby projects, and of course the rise of the mighty Infinite Art Tournament.  But all of that is just anecdotal.  Fortunately, there's a better scapegoat, something for which I happen to have a lot of data: running.

There you have it: convincing proof that a robust program of physical fitness is incompatible with religious study!  And actually, there's probably a fair amount of causation to go along with this correlation.  Going out and running seven or eight miles takes a lot of time, the way I do it.  So does reading the Bible, the way I do it.

At the moment I'm packing them both in, however.  So, if you feel like spending a Monday disputing my take on the Book of Jeremiah -- or, in a few weeks, Lamentations -- there will be a link for you over there on the top of the sidebar.

No pressure.

Now We Are Five

Good numbers on internet ephemera are hard to find. The only people in a position to collect the data are the same ones who have a financial stake in how it is spun. They might, for instance, need to salt a stock offering for a popular social networking platform whose revenue stream is fundamentally linked to the market rate of internet advertising (tip: sell).

But I digress. What I was getting at is, there aren’t hard numbers on the half-life of the common web-log. But the few studies out there tend to underline the obvious: less than a third of blogs make it into a second month of publication, and the median number of posts in the lifetime of a blog is very probably two. The average life span of a blog that lasts longer than a month, according to one study, is 126 days.

Today is the fifth anniversary of Infinite Art Tournament, the blog formerly known as The Life and Times of Michael5000. (Don’t quibble about continuity, chuckdaddy. It’s the same goddamn URL.) This is the 1612th post.

It has certainly occurred to me that it would be a logical place to stop.

Like many blogs, this one found its origins in workplace dissatisfaction. In the first post (1, 2, Oh My God, June 7, 2007) I talk about getting ready for a job interview. That organization didn’t hire me, which was foolish; I would have been a steal for them. A while later, another organization nearly brought me on board for what seemed like a very exciting and dynamic position; my disappointment on being passed over by them one lasted only a few months, until I learned that they had suddenly gone out of business in unpleasant circumstances. At a third place, I blew a final interview by drinking about a gallon of coffee beforehand and chattering like a cokehead while the interview panel sat looking at me in puzzlement, occasionally interrupting my stream of gibberish in an attempt to ask one of their questions.

So I stayed where I was, and things slowly got better, and then they got quite a bit better. I’m in a highly specialized line of work now that I take seriously, and I like it; and damned if I didn’t get a minor promotion just this morning. That probably just means I’ll stay late more without getting paid, and I don’t even care. Which is to say, the days of the blog being the outlet for creative energies that were stifled in the workplace are long gone. Yet the blog endures. I guess it fills the space in my life that other people devote to cumbersome hobbies of their own, such as raising a family, or tending their house and land, or becoming involved in community affairs, or developing an artistic talent of some kind.

I like that the first word of the first post was “Mrs.5000.”

Most blogs don’t last long; similarly, most blogs don’t get read much. One survey asks us to assume that “100 million people regularly read blogs and that they each read 50 other peoples' blogs,” and that there are “20 million active bloggers.” With that (grossly inflated, I think) readership estimate, you end up with what the author termed “Nanoaudiences”:

250 readers per blog, far smaller audiences than any traditional one-to-many communication method. And this is just an average; in practice many blogs have no more than two dozen readers.

I feel very honored, considering the singular content choices I have made, to have about two dozen regular readers and another three or four dozen long-term sporadic readers. The Tournament is honored by its voters. It is very sweet to have a nanoaudience. In fact, if I could somehow snap my fingers and give Infinite Art Tournament an audience of tens of thousands, you know what?

Well, I’d do it in a heartbeat, of course.

But I’d probably be sorry I had.

Thanks for reading,
Michael5000

New Blog Year 2010!

Uh-oh, it's New Year's Day! Time to look over the crumbling ruins of our hopes and dreams for the year past, and grimly resolve to carry on as best we can through whatever the new year brings.

Last year, I made five blog resolutions:

1. Stick with the Bible Blog, and try to finish off the Old Testament this year.

Honestly, I stuck with the Bible Blog and stuck with it damned well, but finishing the OT was a weirdly ambitious goal. I must have thought I could be more skimmy.

2. Keep the Quilt Blog, but don't sweat it.

I was really better about not sweating the quilt blog than keeping it.

3. Do a Great Movies post three or four times a month.

Ka-pow! I was a Great Movies MACHINE this year! Forty-two reviews, for a perfect 3.5 posts per month!

4. Do ten Reading List posts.

If you include Jane Eyre, which kind of glommed itself on to the list, and count the Harry Potters seperately, I scored a whopping Thirteen (13) Reading List posts! [little victory dance]

5. Don't forget to have fun with the thing.

Oh yes.

But that's all ancient history now! So, looking forward -- considering the current state of my interest in my various enthusiasms, considering the kinds of posts that people have been interested in, and considering the, um, potential impact of exogenously imposed lifestyle changes in the 5000 Household -- I hereby resolve:

the 2010 goals for the michael5000 blog empire:

1. Stick with the Bible Blog, and try to finish off the Old Testament this year.

Still kind of ambitious, so no promises.

2. Mothball the Quilt Blog.

That's not to say I'll mothball quilting, but I don't forsee it being an ESPECIALLY quilting-intensive year and, in particular, I'm a little out of touch with the quilting community. For the small volume of things I have to say about the craft, I can post 'em here on the Life & Times.

3. Get cracking on the Shakespeare Blog.

...although, there's no rush on this one, especially while the Bible project, the Reading List project, and the Great Movies project are all three still active. I think reading three Shakespeare plays and maybe another Shakespeare-peer play, and trying to catch a few live performances, is a reasonable goal for the year.

4. Finish the Great Movies Project.

Hell, there's only like sixteen left.

5. Do ten Reading List posts.

I loves my Reading List. And I'm halfway through The Moral Animal already. Preview: It's awesome.

6. Incorporate other projects.

The whole idea of this blog is that it's supposed motivate and shape my various hobbies and enthusiasms. Two of these that blossomed this year are the international chess and the geohashing, and you might have noticed that I've recently made space for them on the sidebar. If and when I'm able to run again, there might be a sidebar about that, too. Also, you can "look forward to" (I use the phrase lightly) more posts this year about Castle5000 improvement and landscaping. The michael5000 Kitchen may or may not happen much.

7. Hammer on the specialties.

Fair warning: there are going to be a lot of flag and postcard posts this year. And I might get mappy on y'all, too. And don't think for a second that "Element of the Month" is going anywhere. In the fullness of time, the Imaginary Lands are going to swing through for another pass, too. Forewarned is forearmed.

8. Review Things That Don't Need Reviewed

I'm going to keep hammering away on the Library Sale CDs, and there were 14 of those I think. After that, I'm going to take a tour of the Mahler symphonies, just because I've always wanted to take a closer listen to 'em. You can't say I'm pandering to a mass market.

Also:

Should I also be resolving to follow YOUR blog religiously? If so, tell me in the comments. I'm very suggestible.

Celebratory Bible Blog Cross-Post

Over at the Bible Blog, I just finished a long, surprisingly unrewarding half-year march through the Book of Psalms! So those of you up for a "reading project of Biblical proportions" (obligatory "Biblical proportions" jest), y'all can jump in and join me now as I start Proverbs, and then go back and worry about Psalms later. Or whatever.

Psalms is the longest book of the Bible, and trudging through it took 21 posts spread over 5 months and 6 days. Having completed Psalms, I've got through 19 of the 66 Books of the Bible: 28.8%.

Well, that's all fine and good, but I've also completed 628 of the Chapters of the Bible, or 52.8%! Or 16401 of the Verses, 52.7%! I'M MORE THAN HALFWAY THROUGH, PEOPLE! It's kind of like that point in the marathon where you think "you know, if I'd had the good sense to sign up for a HALF-marathon...."

Paperback 269a: Three-Dollar Mile / Ian Banyon (Challenge Books 203)

Paperback 269a: Challenge Books 203 (PBO, 1966)

Title: Three-Dollar Mile
Author: Ian Banyon
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: oh, I don't know. $5?


Best Things About This Cover:

• "I appreciate the courtesy of this house call, Dr. Abrams. Now, as we discussed on the phone, the growth is right here on my left buttock."
• It's technically possible to extend one's right arm around a friend in that position, but it'll be agonizing if he holds the pose very long.
• There really ought to be some trace of the dame's lower half visible beside or under the cushy chair. Unless we're seeing her caught in mid-leap as she hikes up her leopardskin pants.
• Leopardskin pants.
• The painting is quite competant, with hasty but not terrible brushwork.
• Damn kids these days can't even be bothered to capitalize the title of their own books, what with all the texting.

Best Things About This Back Cover:

• Who can say "no" to a vast field of burnt orange?
• Dave "aspired"? He "sought"? Is this teaser copy, or the man's goddam resume?
• Hmm, she had "very different plans," eh? "SOYLENT BURNT ORANGE.... IS.... STARLETS!!!!"

Page 123~

For a half a second, McGann expected to smell or see booze in the room. Then he realized the pair were in the middle of a beef.

"Hey, where did you find that beef?" blustered McGann. "All I could find down at the store was Soylent Burnt Orange."

~un hommage a Rex Parker
Book found by chance at the Goodwill "Bins," Sellwood.

The Renaissance Man Grand Opening Crosspost

The Life & Times is very proud to welcome the newest member of the michael5000 family of bloggage!!! That's right -- in addition to adventures in quilting, Bible study, and, um, whatever happens on this one, michael5000 is now taking on one of the greatest names in English Literature!! You won't want to miss the grand opening of...

Renaissance Man

michael5000 Reads Shakespeare

...or, maybe you will. I dunno.

Anyway, here's the link.

Too Cool For the Thursday Quiz

Hey, it's time to skip the Thursday Quiz while everybody's brains, bodies, and self-esteem heals up from the Decathlon!

But first, some late-breaking Decathlon news -- turns out that la gringissima was not an Octathlete, but a Nonathlete. Her cartoon entry was sent in well before the deadline, but through the vageries of the intertubes took a full five days to arrive, with one of the images damaged, in my inbox. Yes, it would have been quicker for her to put it in the mail. What this means is that la gringissima actually placed 9th in the Decathlon!! Except in a magic sort of way that doesn't change that gl. and Elaine still finished 9th, too!

Meanwhile

I've been desperately, desperately trying to avoid blog bankruptcy, and am happy to report that I've managed to catch up all the way to the day before yesterday on my Reader! And here, in no particular order and for no particular reason, except that we've got the gaping hole of the missing Quiz to fill here, are links to some of the posts that appealed to me.


Ooh, The Rag and Bone Blog has a piece about a paper artist (Jill Sylvia) who has a new concept that's pretty killer....


This Bioephemera post, believe it or not, cracked me up. But then, I'm a sucker for a "damned souls" joke.


Found in Mom's Basement delivers the eulogy for Pontiac with a look at some great midcentury magazine ads.


Here's another cool artist, this time somebody named Hiroshi Fujishiro, this time on Bioephemera.


Strange Maps has an interesting bit on the old White Australia policy....


An especially good Comics Curmudgeon -- although the Comics Curmudgeon is one of the few reliably funny things on this old Earth.


It's a Rebel/Cartophiliac mashup!


Meanwhile, the Bloggess, also reliably funny in a seriously messed up suburban-mom-on-PCP sort of way, has branched out and is now reviewing clown porn. Or at least trying to.


Business or Leisure? posted a fine example of the dark, strange, disturbing, and oddly hilarious (to me) fare that is his metier. And it's about the beloved Peanuts character Snoopy! Kind of.


Some supercool Cyrillic Manuscripts at BibliOdyssey.


Blythe gives us the most disappointing blog post ever, "Semi-Nude Pictures of My Friends Playing Twister."


And Elizabeth made me laugh, and feel just a little silly, with her post about the Decathlon.



AND: both The [Cherry] Ride and Karin have actually posted again!! So, after absences of many months, we welcome them back to the faded, dying social phenomenon that is blogging!

Wednesday Drivel

Firstly:

I put it in red letters in the sidebar, so am sure you are all excited about the upcoming blog event coming March 22, 2009, when:

michael5000 LiveBlogs Sunday!!!

That's right! Liveblogging, heretofore limited to athletic events, presidential elections, and the like, finally comes home to real life! From Castle5000 and its environs, I'll be giving comprehensive all-day coverage of the back half of the weekend! This will be a fully interactive experience, with readers free to ask questions, make suggestions, or discuss their own experience of Sunday!! It's sure to be the media event of the weekend! For me.

3.22.09

m5K x 24 hrs

Be there and/or be square.


Secondly:

You know how sometimes you see something really quickly out of the corner of your eye, and you get it all wrong? Sure you do.

Well, I was wrestling with the even crappier new Facebook interface earlier this week, and I caught what I thought was a truly remarkable advertisement over on the right side of the screen. Hitting the back button, I discovered that this is what I had REALLY seen:




But what I had THOUGHT I had seen, as you might have already guessed, was this:


With apologies to the organization in question, I can't help but think the ad generated by my subconscious is a bit more.... provocative.




And Thirdly:


Mrs.5000 and I made up a tongue twister! It's fun to say out loud! Try saying it twenty times quickly. Also, drunk.

I saw Fra Filippo Lippi at La Calaca Comelona!

OK, that's enough out of me.

The L&TM5K Calls In Sick

I'm very sorry, but you'll have to take your online amusement elsewhere this weekend. Fortunately, I have a few suggestions:

• From Bioephemera, we learn that scientists may soon be able to cure us of that most perniscious of conditions -- love!



• Also by way of Bioephemera, we found to this post which contains scans from "The Recently Deflowered Girl" -- a brilliantly naughty 1965 parody of etiquite books illustrated by the great Edward Gorey.



• And finally, remember The Seven Wonders of the Castle5000 Environs? At the end of that post, I asked "What are the seven wonders of YOUR neighborhood?" Well, last week frequent commenter Sandy posted her own wonders, and a fine assortment they are.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Weekend, y'all. See you at the Monday Quiz!

A Bunch of Links Posing as a Post

But First!

Undoubtedly, you have noticed the new masthead! A sleek, zippy new look for the L&TM5K, this is the second submission generated by the Request for Bids I posted a few weeks back. It is by the lovely and talented Kate, and if you like it I'm sure she would enjoy seeing you gush about it in the comments. If you DON'T like it, there is but one obvious solution: submit one you like better!

(And if you were a big fan of MyDogIsChelsea's masthead -- or if you are, perhaps, MyDogIsChelsea -- have no fear. We'll figure out some way to rotate these suckers.)


Some Blogs I've Been Especially Digging Lately

Missed the Epistle
This is a brand new personal blog by a Spanish teacher at an alternative Jewish school. Her students say the damnedest things. Very funny.

Portland at Night
Beautiful, evocative black and white pictures of the City of Roses at night. I stumbled on this one whilst a-pirating images, and have been returning regularly.

The Comics Curmudgeon
Ascerbic, satirical daily commentary on the wasteland that is the modern funnies page.

123 I Love You
Entertainingly self-flagelating man suffers his way through life, specifically through the life of an English teacher in Japan. This one has been around for a long time, and is consistently funny.

Found In Mom's Basement
Great images from vintage and not so vintage advertising.

PostSecret
Surely you know about PostSecret? A must!

Then, there's the always-fabulous Bibliodyssey. Three of my favorite posts of late where on

• Board Games
• Islamic Art
• and Comparative charts of mountains and rivers.

Finally, I can't get enough of Blog Vice-Dork Rebel's hilariously honest coverage of her adventures in Thailand. Meanwhile, Blog Dork Rex Parker is now, in addition to his famous coverage of the NYT Crossword Puzzle and his should-be-famous coverage of pulp paperback covers, now has a third blog devoted to.... the letter K. Awesome.


Amusement5000

Morgan talked me into joining chess.com, a website where one plays, you know, chess.

Also, taking the suggestion from Boo's blog, I've been playing Kingdom of Loathing.

If any of youse guys are on either site, look me up!


And Finally:

I stole this from the [Cherry] Ride...

While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make
clockwise circles. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with
your right hand. Your foot will change direction and there's nothing you can do
about it.

The L&TM5K Annual Strategic Planning Retreat

Yes, it's time already for L&TM5K management to get away from the distractions of the office in order to devote some thought to the blog's overall "vision," and otherwise navel-gaze. Last year we tackled the mission statement; this year we'll be taking a closer look at the operational details. Everybody got some coffee? Donut? Copy of the agenda? Let's begin.

The Agenda

1) Overall Look and Branding

a) The "Favicon." Was introduced about three weeks ago. Nobody mentioned it. We assume everyone is stunned into silence by its awesomeness.

b) The Masthead. Recently modified to include Interobang. Again, response was rather... muted.

Discussion: I kind of like the "Progress of Venus" masthead. It's whimsical and absurd, as I'd like to think the blog's content is, and it reminds me of drschnell's very nice complement that "this is some parade, yessiree Bob."

But not everybody loves it. What do you think? Should we stick with it, or do we need a fresh masthead?

c) The Advertising Campaign. This has actually been a lot of fun, and has generated a little extra traffic. But, it's difficult to find logical places to advertise -- where do potential L&TM5K readers hang out, anyway? Also, I'm not selling anything. Probably should not spend too much money on this.

d) The Keywords. I continue to have a hell of a time coming up with a coherent description of the content. The current description is probably still "My Life. Like you care." This is accurate enough, but not really likely to draw the crowds in.

2) Content

a) Quantity. At some point, I decided this was a daily show, and although no one in the world could possibly notice or care when I miss a day, it drives me batty. That's me -- a man with a great sense to devotion and commitment... to his hobby.

Sometimes I worry, though, that the sheer volume of blather on this blog requires more stamina that I have the right to expect anyone to read, even if you count The Great Movies as days off. Concommitant with this is the risk of burning out -- which, surprisingly, hasn't happened yet, but it's still something to watch out for.

So, there are three new innovations in the works:

1 - Fewer megaposts. Take the Advertising Extravaganza, for instance. That could have been four separate posts! Probably should have been!
2 - A few new features that are more image-oriented, less wordy.
3 - Occasional reruns! Hey, most of the current readers weren't around in 2007. And there's GOLD in some of those old posts! GOLD! Says me.

b) Quality. Hey, I do my best. Between Margaret, Rex, and Mrs.5000, I even often remember to use a spellchecker these days. Not a lot of room to maneuver here, though.

c) Quizzes. I continue to operate under the assumption that people who like the Quizzes like them more than people who hate the Quizzes hate them.


OK, at this point, let's open it up to new business, Q&A, and/or a second run at the donut box....

Election Day Number 2008

Here to Remind You that it's Time to Vote.....

...why, it's MyDogIsChelsea! This photo is from her recent star turn on YesWeCake.com, which makes her among the very most famous members of the L&TM5K community. Her YesWeCake appearance also includes a photograph of me, michael5000, casting a vote for my own preferred candidate. So y'all can just lay off with that "news broadcast from the future" meme, OK? I get it! I voted!

More pictures from the MyDogIsChelsea voting party -- including a few in which if you look very, very closely you can actually kind of tell whom she voted for -- can be found here.



Who Are Some of the Other Famous Members of the L&TM5K Community?

Well, you may have noticed this when you were flipping through this month's Oklahoma Magazine:




But did you notice who gets top billing?


That's right -- Blythe's Bee-Spot is officially the Greatest Oklahoma Website! [insert cruel joke here.] Now, that's famous! Mind you, I don't know if she technically considers herself "of the L&TM5K Community," but since I've been more or less trying to rip off her writing style for the last year and change she's pretty much on board whether she wants to be or not.

(Rip off her writing style, that is, except for the self-depricating part. I haven't mastered that bit yet.)


Also, Rex.

Really, having the 55th Greatest Crossword Puzzle Solver in the Universe as the official Dork of your independent blog is kind of like having Dick Cheney on the board of your international engineering and construction corporation. It's good for business. Here's what happened when Rex Parker put his DorkFest championship badge up on Rex Parker Does the NYT Crossword Puzzle:


We can only wonder what would happen if he wrote something like "The Life & Times of Michael5000 is not just the most insightful, vital, necessary thing happening on the internet today -- it's also consistently laugh-out-loud funny!"


But Enough About Famous Readers. The Important Thing Is....

...as Elizabeth recently posted, cryptically but memorably:


Courage, people....

Weekend Edition

Vignette: Life Online

A Little Story About the Internets in Six Lines, by michael5000.
(This vignette appeared previously in the Indigo Mouse comments.)

michael5000: See these [fabrics in the catalog]? I know the person who designed them!

mom5000: Oh, really? How cool! Who is that?

m5k: Her name is, um, Indigo Mouse.

mom: “Indigo Mouse”?

m5K: Well, I don’t know her real name…

mom: So, you know this person pretty well, then?



Meme Duty

Speaking of Indigo Mouse -- fabric designer, ace knitter, and keeper of the eponymous blog -- I picked the following bookish meme up from her last week. Here's her version... and it looks like frequent L&TM5K commenter Rebel took the plunge as well. (Congrats to I.M. as well on her latest project!)



1. One book that made you laugh: Anything by Richard Russo – especially Nobody's Fool – makes me roar with laughter. Mrs.5000, who reads the same books with a wistful and thoughtful air, occasionally feels that she is somehow missing out.

2. One book that made you cry: Update: I remember a book that made me cry! Charlotte's Web! Third grade.


3. One book that you loved as a child: I read the Lord of the Rings trilogy six or seven times over the course of middle school. But then, you probably did too.

4. One book you've read more than once: David Lodge's Changing Places.

5. One book you loved, but were embarrassed to admit it: Depends on the crowd. I'm sometimes shy about reading science fiction, for instance, but in a different setting I might be a little embarassed about reading the classics. Here's the one that affects me most often: more and more, I've become very fond of my Bible reading project. But, it can feel kind of weird to settle in for a little Bible study down at the coffee shop.

6. One book you hated: I have only read the first chapter of The Da Vinci Code, but the holistic putridity of those first few pages offended me enormously. I am not, of course, referring to the blandly controversial religio-historical content; I didn't get that far in. I'm just talking about the writing. If I had been handed the manuscript, I would have not only dismissed it as obviously unpublishable, but would have kindly but firmly advised Dan Brown to find a new hobby. This is, I guess, why I'm not in publishing.

7. One book that scared you: There was a Ripley's Believe it or Not book of ghost stories that I read voraciously one day when I was a kid. TOTALLY freaked me out. Was scarred for years.

8. One book that bored you: Oh, all of the books in my academic discipline. This is why I am no longer an academic.

9. One book that made you happy: The recently-reviewed King Dork by Frank Portman. Cracked me up.

10. One book that made you miserable: Something Happened by Joseph Heller.

11. One book that you weren't brave enough to read: I'm not brave enough to read Finnegan's Wake. Yet.

12. One book character you've fallen in love with: Can I go with Helena Bonham-Carter as Lucy in the film adaptation of Room With a View? (Second place would go to Helena Bonham-Carter as Ophelia in the Mel Gibson adaptation of Hamlet, except of course that Ophelia is barking mad. But maybe if she'd met me first....)

13. The last book you read: An Anthropologist on Mars by Oliver Sacks.

14. The next book you hope to read: Beowulf, baby!


Now, I'm not one to put people on the spot by inflicting memes on them individually. On the other hand, DorkFest 2008 is only a few months away....

[Update: Nichim plays ball!]

[Further Update: Kate also plays ball!]

If You Could Live Anywhere...

Earlier this week, the featured image on Wiki was of a pair of posters drawn up during the great heyday of the Gin Craze in England. The artist's intent was to contrast the wholesome, industrious drinkin' on "Beer Street" with the moral perils of drinkin' on "Gin Street."

This made me think: Where would the good readers of the L&T rather live?


On Beer Street?






Or on Gin Street?





Wherever you live and drink, dear readers, have a fabulous weekend!

Joshua Judges Ruth

I don't usually cross-market my blogs -- I'm all too aware that many L&TM5K readers are not going to get all fired up about the "QuiltStorm" project, for instance -- but today I'm making an exception.

You might know that I have been gradually reading the Christian Bible and shooting my mouth off about the experience in the "Michael Reads the Bible" blog. Between the free-thinking approach to difficult religious subject matter and my own, um, quick wit and sparkling prose stylings, it is not surprising that it is regularly mentioned in lists of the internet's least-visited weblogs. But enough about my problems.

Having finished up with Numbers last year, one of my New Blog Year Resolutions was to get through Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, and Ruth by the end of this summer. Yet, thanks in part to my hard work and determination, but thanks more to the fact that the books keep getting shorter and easier to read -- the Book of Ruth is only three pages long, for crying out loud -- I managed to reach my goal last week, a good five months ahead of schedule!

Now, you may be thinking, "Michael5000, you've been working on the Bible since summer 2006! You've only read eight Books? That's pathetic!" Well, I'll have you know that although finishing Ruth only puts me 12.1% of the way through the Bible by books, it puts me 19.8% of the way through the Bible by chapters, and a whopping 23.2% of the way through the Bible by verses! So there. Nothing pathetic about it, unless you you count the dorkish enthusiasm for pointless statistics.

I'll just roll on ahead into I Samuel, I think it is, next weekend, but in the meantime I thought I'd commemorate the event by inviting you, the readership of my flagship blog, to join in the good times. Check it out! Michael Reads the Bible has something for everyone!

• If you are a devout Christian, you will likely be offended by its often irreverant tone!



• If you are a devout non-Christian, you will likely be annoyed by its implicit Christianity!



• If you are a non-religious person, you will likely be put off by all the references to God!



• If you are Mrs.5000, you will likely be appalled by my laisez-faire attitude towards spelling!

But again, enough about my problems.

Leap Year Weekend Edition

A Bunch of Self-Referential Stuff, and a Quiz That Only d Could Love.

Party Like It's 1998!

For some reason, I have felt compelled recently to put together a personal web page. It is kind of a sweet old-fashioned idea, I know, but there you have it. As it stands, it is mostly just an index to the various projects that get written up in these blogs, although I may also eventually link out to some of my favorite internet diversions of various kinds (games, art, maps) as well. Or, it might just sit there and rot like all the other personal web pages out there. That wouldn't surprise me, either.

Anyway, if you are killing time, do pay a visit: http://michael5000.googlepages.com/home

Update: it sat there and rotted like all the other personal web pages out there.  I killed in in March 2013.

The Reading List

Last week, I asked L&TM5K Dork Gray to pick the next book in my Reading List project off of a short list of candidates. Here's her response:

I'm going to go with gut and a certain irrefutable logic: Nabokov, Lolita. It's
the perfect bridge between the Russian-language books you've been reading
(having been written by a Russian and all) and it will be a great bridge to
other romances you'll read (I'm looking at you, End of the Affair). Also, it's a
good fit time-wise.

Well OK then! A copy of Lolita has been rounded up, and I will dive in tomorrow with the new month!


Meanwhile, I was amazed by how many people seemed interested in giving The Master and Margarita a try. Mrs.5000 picked up the book only a few days after I put it down, and finished up with her re-reading yesterday.

Surprisingly, our cat Caliban appears to be giving it a try as well.
















Not hard to guess which character he'll identify with....

Speaking of Cats

This photo is both an extension of the Sentimental Cat Post and an update on the M5K beard. Taken while I was waking up last weekend, it is not the most flattering picture of me, but it explains what I mean when I say that "my cat likes to sleep on my head."




We took her to the vet two weekends ago, and I noticed a chart on the wall that gave the human age equivalent for a 21 year old cat as being 100. My cat is 100 years old. Trippy.










The Blog Resolution Check-In


Here we are, one-sixth of the way into 2008. Thought I'd check in and see how I was doing on the New Blog Year Resolutions. Quality control, you know. Only the best for my readers.

Here's the findings:

• Keep the blogs going: So far, so good.


• Keep the Quizzes going if people seem to be enjoying them: Based on the straw poll from last week, people still like pop quizzes. Development begins next week on new seasons for both of them.


• Be halfway through The Great Movies project by year's end: That requires a pace of about 3.5 movies per month, and I watched 4 apiece in January and February. So, I'm pretty much right on track.


• Finish The Brothers Karamazov by the end of January: Oh yeah, baby.


• Finish ten Reading List books by the end of the year: I've finished two, and start a third (see below) tomorrow. Comfortably on track.


• In the Bible project, finish the Book of Ruth by the end of summer. Have already zipped through Deuteronomy and Joshua. Ahead of schedule.


• More Vignettes: Hell, I might be overdoing these.


• Keep up with everyone else's blogs: I get behind, but I always catch up. I hate missing out on your blogs; they are awesome.

And finally,

A Quiz About University of Kansas Basketball!

Not an official M5K Quiz.

1. What year did the men's basketball team help KU mark its first season in the Big 12 by winning the conference championship?
2. What player was the first freshman in Big 12 history to be named part of the All-Big 12 First Team?
3. Last year the Jayhawks celebrated a milestone with what overall conference title?
4. Bud Stallworth holds the Jayhawks' record for the most points scored in a single game during Big Eight conference play. How many points did he rack up against Missouri in 1972?
5. What former basketball player left KU ranked as the leading scorer and rebounder in Big 12 history?

Source: KU Alumni Association
Happy Weekend, Y'all!

Happy New Blog Year!

Well, here we are in 2008! Time to shake off the brutal hangover from last night's bacchanalia, secure yourself a source of caffeine, and sit down to the yearly ritual of self-betterment. Yes, it is time for resolutions.

Now, you can make all of the resolutions you like regarding your relationships with family, partners, or food; you can set goals about your work or your workout; you can set strict limits on your alcoholic intake or sexual behavior or carbon footprint for the long year ahead. Good for you. But what are we doing here and now? Why, we are blogging of course! So, this is the time and place for the New Blog Year Resolutions! And here are mine.

Michael5000's New Blog Year Resolutions, 2008

• Maintain all three blogs throughout 2008! [allowing a summer sabbatical for State of the Craft (SotC) and a winter sabbatical for Michael Reads the Bible (MRtB)]
• Keep the quizzes coming as long as people want to take them! [Topics are currently planned through April.]
• Be at least half done with "The Great Movies" by year's end.
• Finish The Brothers Karamazov by the end of January; finish at least ten of the Reading List books by year's end.
• Pick up the pace in MRtB (which is back from vacation, by the way). Finish the Book of Ruth by the end of the summer.
• Vignettes! Vignettes!
• Try to keep up with everybody else's blogs, but not at work.

You may list your own New Blog Year Resolutions in the comments, if you like. Or, of course, you can post them on your own blog, in which case I will read them there. But not at work.

Best of everything to all of you this year. Really.

An Open Letter to ChuckDaddy

December 21, 2007

Dear ChuckDaddy,

Greetings and best wishes to you this holiday season. I hope that you and Mrs. ChuckDaddy are enjoying your first Christmastime with the adoreable BabyChuckDaddy, and that all is happy and peaceful in your lovely home.

Speaking of BabyChuckDaddy, it has now been three months since the joyful occasion of your son's birth. Now, I am sure you still feel quite "busy," maybe even "overwhelmed," by the various things that a new parent has to learn and do in order to keep a baby safe, healthy, and happy. Doubtless, you aren't getting the kind of sleep you used to!

However, it is also important to remember that parenthood is no excuse for foregoing one's responsibility to the larger community. Think of Julius Caeser, George Washington, Thomas Edison -- where would we be today if these great men of history had said, "no, I can't make my contribution, I'm too exhausted by my parenting?" Likely we would all be speaking Russian.

Back when you started the ChuckDaddyXpress, remember, you weren't just writing whatever popped into your head about random things that struck your interest. You were also making a pact with a readership. A pact that said that you would provide quirky observations and opinions for them to read, in return for which they would shoot off their mouths in your comments.

ChuckDaddy, the time has come for me to remind you of that commitment. You've taken some time to get your child off to a good start, and we all understand that. But three months have gone by. Your paternity leave is over. It is time to return to your duties.

All of us here at The Life & Times of Michael5000 look forward to hearing your accumulated thoughts, opinions, anecdotes, and (with any luck) statistical analyses of your new life as a father. We stand ready to welcome you back to the blogosphere. ChuckDaddy, your readers await you. We know you will not let us down.

Sincerely,M5K

Mission Statement, Revisited

The bigwigs at work are out of town working on the five-year "strategic planning" thing. They'll be looking at the mission statement and our actual operations, and then will try and reef the two more or less into alignment.

This made me think: after four months, maybe it's time for a little strategic planning of my own here at the L&TM5K. Maybe it's time to take a second look at this blog's own mission statement, in view of how day-to-day operations have actually evolved in the "real world," if you want to call it that.

So here we go. Welcome, dear reader, to


the L&TM5K Strategic Planning Retreat!


Assessment: Existing Mission Statement

Quirky Observations -- D+. I guess I don't observe things in as quirky a fashion as I thought I did. Besides, who am I, Jerry Seinfeld? Recommendation: omit from mission statement.

Rants About Popular Music -- C-. Despite occasional concert write-ups, on the whole there has been a disappointing failure to use the blog as a mechanism to expose self to new music. Recommendation: increase musical content.

Thoughts on State and Local Politics -- F. Couldn't even muster up election recommendations. (Measure 49, hell yes! Measure 50, whatever!) Unanticipated non-local readership discourages coverage of local issues. Recommendation: omit from mission statement.

Commonplace Adventures -- B. Have incorporated personal adventures without becoming diaristic. Character of Mrs.5000 has proven popular. Recommendation: have better adventures.


Assessment: Unanticipated Content

Quizzes -- Has become bread and butter of blog. Consistently generates high readership levels, at modest cost of alienating less competitive friends, family members, and readers. Recommendation: Highlight in new mission statement.

The Reading List -- Brought in large numbers of readers who left clever and well-informed comments. Failure to follow through in a timely fashion has created credibility problem. Recommendation: Finish The Brothers Karamazov while we are all still among the quick, for crying out loud.

The Great Movies -- Popularity varies by movie. Still, it's a good incentive to continue a cool project. Recommendation: Include in new mission statement.

Arty Stuff -- Seems popular enough with the Quiz crowd. Adds specious "cultured" aura to persona. Recommendation: Include in new mission statement.

College Football -- Basically reader poison. But it amuses me. Recommendation: Do not include in mission statement.

Boring Postcards -- Same as College Football, above.


Supplementary Consideration: Is it even worth the trouble?

Eh, of course not. But what the hell. Let's take it to January, and see how it's going.



Revised Mission Statement

The Life and Times of Michael5000 aims to be the internet's preeeminent
provider of difficult pop quizzes on arbitrary topics. It further seeks to
delight its community of creative, engaging, drop-dead sexy, and bracingly
intelligent readers with glib little posts about the creative arts and dork
culture generally, including but not limited to literature, film, the visual
arts, music, history, geography, and college football.

Good enough. Let's run it by legal, and head out for a beer.

Adjourned.

The Games that Were, the Games that Will Be

I: The Games That Were: the Quiz

Who says Americans don't know their world geography! Well, lots of people say that, actually. But ignorance was nowhere in evidence this week as multiple perfect scores on the Countries of Africa topic shut down competition in the Thursday Quiz before the workday was even underway.

Ms. "Ask Me About Senegal" Karin made her first quiz star a gold one, spiritual traveler Austin seconded that emotion for the silver, and quiz stalwart Rex Parker made it look easy to claim the blue star, the second for his virtual trophy shelf. Props.

II: The Games That Were: Tough Week for Michael5000

It's not so much that mydogischelsea decided to run a twelve item "is it or isn't it" quiz of her own -- homage, I can live with. It's that her quiz really kicked my ass. Hoist on my own petard, I was. Guess I had it coming.

Compounding the misery, I was cast in a reality blog show -- you know, one of those 30-men-vie-desperately-for-the-attention-of-the-women-bloggers deals -- and was then voted off the proverbial island in the first round. Confused? Not to worry. So is everyone involved, not least Blythe and dmbmeg, whose mutual brainchild this was. The important thing is, I was good and humiliated in a public forum.

Aw, just kidding about the humiliation of course. Blythe, the one who actually gave me the axe, was super nice about it. It was a real honor to be nominated in the first place and tons of super fun while it lasted! I have no regrets, and certainly bear no rancor towards Blythe, shown here in a picture I found somewhere on the internet:

III: The Games that Will Be: The Monday Quiz?

There has been some behind-the-scenes kvetching that the Thursday Quiz is toooo haaard. Well, let me say this about that: the Thursday Quiz is supposed to be hard! I'm not in the business of passing virtual stars out like candy, people! Virtual stars must be earned!

Still, as I am sensitive to the wants and needs of my readership -- not to say a craven comment ho -- I am mulling over a more (shall we say) inclusive Monday quiz. One that would be less intimidating, less competitive, more friendly for the whole L&TM5K family. For instance, one thought was just a less challenging quiz in the same format, which has the benefit (for me) of being fun and relatively easy to construct. Thoughts? Input?

Just to clarify: The Thursday Quiz isn't going anywhere. It's the quiz of champions. Just ask Rebel, Jessica, Rex, or Karin.

IV: The Games That Will Be: Predictions have more cred when actually made in advance

1. #13 Oregon should have no trouble picking the Cardinal's defense to shreds: Oregon 49, Stanford 14.

2. Oregon State has not won at Tempe since before I was born. That's not going to change this week: Arizona State 28, Oregon State 17. [Mrs.5000, however, is picking OSU in this game. We'll see who really understands football in this house.]

3. #4 Oklahoma will face its first real challenge of the year against the Golden Tornados' explosive offense. Well, kind of. Oklahoma 61, Tulsa 31. [Is it just me, or does that team name sound really dirty?]

May I be the first to wish you a very happy weekend?

Why Are You Reading This Blog When You Could be Reading a Really Interesting Blog?

The topic of this here post is Blogs That I Think are Really Cool. More specifically, these are some of my favorite blogs that – unlike the L&TM5K – cleave consistantly to one specific topic, and can therefore be reliably interesting to their reading audience. Unlike the L&TM5K. Whatever.

But first, I would be remiss in not announcing:


The Thursday Quiz Winners

Newcomer Jessica nailed the quiz, earning a perfect score and a gold star, her first.
Rex Parker took the silver star, having placed now in both Thursday quizzes. Similarly, last week’s champion Rebel came right back to claim the blue star this week, but it will be cold comfort as apparently she is going to hell. She said it, not me.

Take this week's quiz yourself, here. Answers are in the comments section. Want to compete? Come back next Thursday for next week’s quiz. Bring your A-game.


OK, Where Were We?

Oh, right, topical blogs. I’ll start, like the self-indulgent jerk I am, by plugging my own two single-subject efforts. Michael Reads the Bible is the notes from my naïve but thorough reading of Christian scripture. I frankly think it’s a blast. After all, who wouldn’t want to know what a random untrained, uninformed, irreverent guy had to say about notoriously complex sacred texts? Oh, nobody would? Hmm, I guess that explains the lack of traffic.

There is also State of the Craft, in which I write about my quilts and my various adventures in the world of quilting. Even if you aren’t yourself interested in quilting, I can confidently say that you would find State of the Craft somewhat more interesting than many of the other quilting blogs out there. Plus, there are pretty pictures.

But let’s get serious, shall we?

• You may have heard of “PostSecret.” It’s the blog that invites you to create a homemade postcard confessing your deepest, most carefully hidden secret, and send it to a guy who will post it on the internet for all the world to see. Anonymously, natch. The cards are by turns funny, tragic, touching, horrifying, beautiful, and ridiculous. It’s the internet at its best.

• “Indexed” is a brand new discovery for me. Venn diagrams, economic graphs, and the other visual tools of social science applied to real life for a change. It’s like cartoons for dorky smart people. Might that be you, gentle reader?

• Along with charts and graphs, you’ve got to have maps. Doug Greenfield has been keeping a Map of the Week listserv for years, and is finally putting the collection into blog form for general consumption. He’s gone back to the beginning and is entering all of the alumni Maps of the Week, so there’s already plenty there to browse through. From crude found sketch maps to elaborate online interactive extravaganzas, it’s a playground for your inner cartography geek. You know you have one.

• The Rag and Bone Blog is a neverending parade of really cool stuff from and related to book arts. In fact, if you never know what I mean by “book arts,” browsing this blog would give you a pretty good idea. It has had the good taste to feature the work of Mrs. 5000, so you know it must be pretty excellent.
  


• When he’s not rocking the Thursday Quiz, Rex Parker Does the NYT Crossword Puzzle. You really, really ought to look at this if you have any interest in crossword puzzles whatsoever. In fact, check it out even if you don’t. Dude does for crossword puzzles what Pauline Kael did for movies. It’s a thing of beauty. His collection of campy paperback novels is pretty boss, too.

• If you live in Portland, you ought to bookmark Amanda Fritz’s blog. Whether or not you agree with Amanda’s progressive populism (although I usually do, myself), you should appreciate the sheer volume of footwork and number-crunching she does on your behalf. She’ll tell you much more about the Rose City than the ‘gonian and the Tribune put together, although she’ll flag articles for you when one of them accidentally print something important. (Kidding. I actually like the Trib.) The world is her gonzo civics project.
  


• Also for you Rose Citizens: Willamette Week’s “local cut” covers our local indie music scene in great detail. Often excruciating detail. But even if you just skim it, you can walk around feeling all in-the-know.
  

So many blogs, so little time. But I’m getting tired, and you’re getting bored. So I’ll catch you later.