Despite the relatively small numbers of entrants this year, it was nevertheless a difficult conclave, as the very strong merits of the applicants had to be weighed in the balance. And let me say this: pretty much every one of you reading this is a great big dork.
Indeed, the greatest challenge of DorkFest is in seperating out the exogenous evidence for dorkitude, if you will, out of the equation, and to focus on the evidence as presented. Otherwise, how could Honorable Vice-Dork Emeritus ever lose? Why, only by competing against Mrs.5000, whose almost limitness dork potential I have special insight into. In this matter, though, I must defer to the judgment of Honorable Dork Emeritus Rex Parker, who found upon reviewing her entry (a gloating tour of her room full of 'lyrical trash' in the Castle5000 dungeons) that "there is something too... accomplished and competent about" Mrs. 5000. I suppose I can see that.
As of the time of this post, we do not technically have a Vice-Dork. The position has been offered to Jenners, whose recent post on Halloween costumes past is representative of the work of a woman who has embraced her dork identity. One hopes she'll stumble into this ceremony sometime during the day and give us and answer and perhaps a brief statement?
If she declines to serve or just doesn't show up, it'll have to go to the Supreme Court.
Just from the method of her application, the third L&TM5K Dork has shown strong signs of excellence. There was an initial profession that, with various career-determining deadlines looming, she couldn't possibly compete. Then, there was a confession that, having looked at past competitions, she didn't feel worthy. And then came the highly detailed three-page Dork CV, fetchingly dated "Dorktober 2009" and submitted with a little flurry of apologies for its inadequacies.
Gentle readers, the blog Dork for 2009-2010 is sporadic commenter and 2009 Decathlon Champion Eversaved.
The CV has been posted on the Life & Times of michael5000 Facebook site for your perusal and review. This link might get you there, if you have committed the faux pas of not being an L&TM5K fan on Facebook.
The Acceptance Speech
To the esteemed L&TM5K community, and especially to the 2008-2009 Blog Dork Rex Parker, Vice Dork Rebel, and dorkily worthy fellow 2009-2010 Dorkfest competitors: I thank you for the privilege of serving as Blog Dork for the 2009-2010 year. I promise to fulfill my role to the best of my ability and to, "act in a dorky manner befitting the high intellectual and moral standards of the L&TM5K readership and the larger dork community."
Fifteen years ago I was just a big-boned, buck-toothed, turtleneck-wearing, country-singing nobody. I was a socially awkward, politically-engaged fifth-grade reject flying under the radar of everyone. Little did I know that I would one day represent the L&TM5K readership and the larger dork community by holding such an honored position. As Blog Dork, I promise to support all dorky endeavours. I will never make fun of my fellow dorks, which could cause them to relive traumatic high school experiences that may or may not have involved having a bottom locker underneath the locker of the most popular boy in school and/or public rejection at the junior year winter formal.
In conclusion, I extend my sincerest gratitude and best wishes to all.
See, I think she's going to do fine.
Eversaved, congratulations and, incidentally, best of birthday wishes. The Mr. Shain Memorial Card will be coming at you soon. And Rex -- we'll get a replacement out to you too.