Monday, September 6, 2010

Element of the Month: Chlorine!

September's Element of the Month:


Atomic Mass: 35.4527 amu
Melting Point: -101.5 °C
Boiling Point: -34.04 °C

Please welcome guest Chemist and, to my knowledge, complete L&TM5K non-reader Cait, who through a quirky sequence of events has been subcontracted two Elements of the Month. Our writing styles are very similar, though, so you probably won't notice any difference.

When your eyes burn in the swimming pool thank atomic number 17, Pale green chlorine good for good clean and sanitary first world fun in the luckiest of swimming pools, a godsend for jolly old 17 century England and her wondrous textile mills, third world exploitation wouldn’t be the same without it thousands of aspirating Britons and French and Royal Scots guards agreed in 1915 pressing urine soaked cloths to their mouths to ward off the pale yellow cloud--and we wonder today why the kiddie pool is always warm.

The Centerfold!

Thank you Carl Wilhelm Scheele for isolating this particular isotope the Anbar province bombings could never have happened without you; one thousand Iraqi insurgents agree chlorine compounds work for me ( outdated silver chloride photo paper explains our modern dearth of wartime photography, digitally documented death lacks a certain artistry, a certrain oomph) and when the wars end and democracy prevails we can expect water slides and tiki bars on the uranium enriched sands, don’t forget your goggles and gas mask and of course the chlorinated cleaners (with extra bleach!) for the blood on your hands.


And to all you UnitedStatesians out there, Happy Labor Day from the Life & Times!!


Jennifer said...

w00t Cait!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I like chlorine, but it turned my hair green in the summer.

Jenners said...

Well done Cait!

And I'd like to know how much L&TM5K pays its subcontractors. I'd be willing to do a minimal amount of work to write a profile on an element.

UnwiseOwl said...

Welp, she doesn't pull any punches, does she?
I like it.
So, tell us about this "quirky series of events".

Elaine said...

Belatedly read the purple prose and realized there was a 'guest poster.' Had spent much of the night worrying that M5000 was on drugs, or on the sauce, or on the verge of some type of psychic breakdown. Yow. Have to run, though--time to chlorinate the pool.

Michael5000 said...

The series of events are quirky, but not especially interesting. She'll be back for Neon in November, folks!

Jenners, if you want to take on January contact me through the usual back channels.

DrSchnell said...

Happy Labor Day! But why is there no "Happy Management Day?" Because every day is Management Day!