Monday, June 27, 2011

Michael5000 Catches a Foul Scent on the Breeze

Stop the Presses!!!

...for I had one of those Shakespeare dealies all set up and ready to run today, but then SOMETHING TOTALLY EXCITING HAPPENED and I want to tell you about it right now.  The Bard can wait.  I mean, I know the "Michael5000 vs. Shakespeare" bits are supposed to run on Monday, but you won't be disconcerted if I, like, put it on Friday or something?  ...oh, you hadn't?  Well, no worries then!

So, I Was Mowing the Lawn

And something smelled terrible.  At first thought "man, what kind of horrible chemical are the neighbors using, and what for?"  But it wasn't quite a chemical smell.  It was a biological smell.  I realized with sinking heart that I was going to have to find and dispose of something dead, something probably mammalian and of pretty good size to be putting out that much scent.

Now it must be admitted that in this year of big commitments for both me and Mrs.5000, and also of the second wettest spring on record here in the City of Roses, there has been very little tending of the "garden."  It is certainly rocking that "English Country Cottage Garden" look, shall we say, and leave it at that.  Point is, you can't really see down to the ground level very well, and going a-huntin' after decomposing animals looked like it would be even less fun than it ought to be.

I was saved by the flies.  They were all buzzing in one place, right against the back wall of the house, right where.... right where.....

Say, are there any of you still around that would have read the third post that ever appeared in this blog?  June 2007?  It was called "The PDX Garden Experience," and talked about some of the plants we had just bought, including one "Draconculus Vulgaris." Here's what I had to say about D. Vulgaris: "Of the Dracunculus it is written: 'On a mature inflorescence, the smell is reminiscent of rotting meat, designed to attract flies for pollination. The smell only usually lasts for a day but it is still not advisable to plant it right by your house.' Oh hell yeah! (and yes, I am TOTALLY planting it right by my house.)"

Awesome!!!

Our little Dracunculus has come into his own!  Here's what he's looking like this year [parental discretion advised]:


Whoa Nelly!  And whereas there has only been one or maybe two blooms in the last few years, this year there are at least a half dozen coming.


Come visit and see for yourself!


For Those of You With an Underdeveloped Taste for the Grotesque

Here are some nice English Country Cottage Garden shots:


Next week I will rescue you from the weeds, my pretties.  Promise!


City of WHAT, y'all?!?


And best of all: We're about two days out from that most joyous time of the year...

10 comments:

The Calico Cat said...

FUN & I need to take a toddler to the u-pick...

Cartophiliac said...

What I'm wondering... is there any correlation between your stinky dead thing plant... and the guy peeing in your reservoir?

Just seems like too much of a coincidence.

Michael5000 said...

They have Dracunculus U-picks on the East Coast? Weird. There's a guy peeing in my reservoir? Weird.

pfly said...

mmmmmm, salmonberries.

Michael5000 said...

Raspberries.

Elaine said...

God, that is hilarious.
One DOES wonder why you bought this plant in the first place....but the juxtaposition (guest rm window) is a good hint. A word to the wise!!!

If you prefer, I can just mail you some roadkill from our fair state; it ripens much more quickly!

Rebel said...

I have to say, I'm glad I live in NE. Enjoy your big weird stinky plant. =P

Melissa said...

Haha! Love the proximity to the guest room. So has it stopped stinking today?

Aviatrix said...

I'm still going to come and visit you.

Michael5000 said...

The really powerful smell turned out to be, yes indeed, basically a one-day event. We are wondering if some of the smaller flowers will pack the same punch when they get to full bloom, though.

Incidentally, it has a lovely thick, variegated stem....