Saturday, June 12, 2010

Michael5000: the Minor Sins

1. Listens to audiobooks on ipod while driving.

2. At 31, shoplifted a fingernail clipper from a department store just to see what it would feel like.

3. Is uncharitable and often brusque with panhandlers.

4. Whenever in a teaching position, habitually collects the colorful coated paper clips from student projects and returns them with plain uncoated paper clips.

5. Often finds Eurocentric renderings of history more interesting than corrected multicultural renderings.

6. At 18, dropped a rubber band in the deep fat fryer of a fast food restaurant. When it dissolved instantly and horrifyingly into the grease, said nothing and allowed the fryer to continue in use for the rest of the day.

7. Furtively spent most of income from first job on video games, despite parental prohibition.

8. Fails in heart to fully grant Mormanism the same respect as other world religious movements.

9. Spends too much time online.

10. Generally tends kitchen at a standard of tidiness less than that of Mrs.5000.


Cartophiliac said...

Also guilty of:
3, 5, 8, 9 & 10

Stole a dirty magazine from a convenience store when I was working there (18)

Stole an LP record from my college radio station (19)

At 16, while working at Burger King, I was instructed to take the bucket of old used cooking oil "out back". I didn't know what to do with it, so I dumped it in the little creek behind the parking lot. I was a dumbass 16-year-old. No one told me there was a barrel out there specifically for this. I still feel pretty bad about that one.

I'm generally law abiding today.

eric said...

Interesting stuff. I'm right there with you on 3,5,7,9 & 10.

When can we expect a posting on "the Major Sins"?

d said...

i think #4 is my favorite.

in high school and college i worked in the warehouse for a major retail outlet, unpacking all of the items and getting them ready to be put on the floor. god, i stole so much stuff from them.

i, too, am really curt with panhandlers and often find myself offended that they've interrupted (and somewhat ruined) whatever pleasant evening / day i was having at the time. m, is not. he tells them 'sorry, no.' and to have a nice day. it makes me wish i were a better person.

Elaine said...

M5000, you left out 'Slow to post answers to quizzes.' (wink)
Is misspelling 'Mormonism' part of the disrespect?

I have a large NO SOLICITING sign on the front window of our house. One guy rang the bell anyway. 'Can you read?' I asked waspishly. 'Don't worry, I don't smoke,' the guy replied.... Brusque is the only way to go.

Jenners said...

Thank you for inspiring me ... I'm so stealing this idea for a post of my own. Full credit to you, my Minor Sinner Extraordinaire.

chuckdaddy said...

Very funny post. And I was right there with you with most (with a major exception being #4).

How did it feel to steel the fingernail clippers?

The Calico Cat said...

Thanks for the insight...
#4 - Where I work, I occasionally get things that are clipped in one manner or an other. My favorite paper clips look like a strip of "aluminum" with bias edges cut on the ends. (The complan name is on one side - so it is advertising.) I am too much of a supply hoarder to reuse them - but I sure as heck kept every one I came across.

Do you use the colored paper clips?
(Have you seen the funkily shaped ones?)