Michael5000: I fainted a couple of times last night. It was kind of scary.
Mrs. ChuckDaddy: You WHAT? You FAINTED? What are you, a Victorian woman? Was your corset too tight?
Michael5000: I collapsed a couple of times last night. It was kind of scary.
Heatherbee: What do you mean? You fainted?
Michael 5000: Yeah, I guess so.
Heatherbee: So women "faint," but men "collapse." Hmph.
So, yeah, I wake up in the middle of the night to take a leak, and then I feel kind of queasy, and then I'm laying on my back in a lake of cat water and cat crunchies and everything that I dragged off the bathroom shelves on the way down. So, that was kind of trippy. Mrs.5000, showing up immediately afterwards, was treated to the sight of me getting to my feet, getting out half of a sentence, and then doing a face plant on the hallway floor.
It all sounds very dramatic, and we didn't hesitate to hie my ass to the emergency room, but it turns out that this kind of thing happens all the damn time. "I get an average of one of these a night," said the kindly ER doc. "It happens to a lot of people, but you probably shouldn't have to worry about it happening again." (and, lest this sound kind of perfunctory, I should say that it was after a couple hours of observation and bloodwork to rule out the shittier causes of fainting).
Nothing like a good collapse, though, to make you feel OLD OLD OLD!!! At least it wasn't a hip.
I thought about y'all when I was at the hospital. I thought, "It's a shame that Mrs.5000 didn't take the time to pack a camera. A picture of my hooked up to the IV would really give a blog post about this a snappy edge."
(I should maybe clarify that Mrs. ChuckDaddy and Heatherbee are AWESOME friends and were making me laugh pretty hard in the above conversations. They are the furthest thing from jerks.)