Monday, December 1, 2008

Ten More Reckless Claims

1. My family enjoys a modest stream of royalties from my great-grandfather's patent on the mechanism used in "Pez" dispensers.

2. I was kicked off of the University of Kansas debate team for being "too religious."

3. I turned down a voice acting job in the late 1980s because it was for a minor character and because I didn't think that a cartoon series for adults could be a viable project. The character was named "Ned Flanders."

4. I was the youngest person ever to be president of a Masonic Lodge in Oregon -- a post I held when I was still a junior in high school.

5. In college, I convinced a Tijuana surgeon to give me "Frankenstein bolts." I was already under anesthetic when a relatively more sober roommate showed up to put a halt to the procedings.

6. I met Andy Warhol at a really chic party.

7. The only time I've ever been in New York City, I drove through it without stopping. I started in New Jersey, drove the length of Manhattan, and didn't get out of the car until I was way past Yonkers. Just so I could say I did.

8. I had eleven toes at birth. A college girlfriend found this "creepy" and talked me into having the "extra" one removed, a decision I've regretted ever since.

9. My family's name was changed from Funftausend at Ellis Island, which is why I call myself "michael5000" online.

10. I write most of this stuff myself, but when I'm pressed for time I pay a term-paper service to write posts "in my style." Including this one!

The first ten reckless claims were made here.


Anonymous said...

The bolts would have been cool only for a little while anyway.

Jenners said...

Pure comic genius! Too bad you outsourced it! HAHA!

Tereza said...

#8 says it all: Mr. Frankenstein Toe! But wait, how are we to believe this? Where's the proof?

Rebel said...

Where was sober roommate from #5 when #8 was happening???

Anonymous said...

I would like to point out that, if the intrepid M5K has not actually performed #7, as written, except going from north to south, it is only because he is saddled with a wife who, weighing the proposal in Boston, thought it sounded a bit hellish--spending the whole day in traffic followed by an early morning flight from Philadelphia--and thus failed to egg him on at a critical juncture.

Tereza said...

P.S. Please, don't say the proof is in the pudding... or the chili!

Jennifer said...

Ooh! Since nobody else has guessed yet on this Quiz, maybe I can do pretty well for once! In chronological order, I'm going to say it would have happened like this:


How'd I do, waltermitty5000?