I called HPI by its American name, Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone. It is well known that the publishers decided to change the original title (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone) for the U.S. market because they felt that Americans were too slackjawed and ignorant to be able to pronounce "philosopher." Or something. It was all very flattering.
Less well known is that J.K. Rowling agonized for months over the title of the second book in the series (the review of which is coming up on Wednesday or thereabouts). However, due to my special access to the author -- what? you didn't know that J.K. Rowling and I both attended the University of Exeter? Well, we did! But no, I'm not going to tell you whether we ever dated. Or if she's a good kisser. It wouldn't be gentlemanly of me, so don't even ask.
Anyway, due to my special access to the author, I am able to produce for you here, for the first time ever in print:
J.K. Rowling's Top Twelve Rejected Titles for the Second Harry Potter Book!
12. Harry Potter, Run*This one's for you, DrSchnell.
11. Harry Potter and the Pot Au Feu
10. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Wizardry
9. Potter, P.I.
8. If On a Winter's Night Harry Potter
7. The Importance of being Harry
6. P is for Potter
5. Harry Potter 2: Electric Bugaloo *
4. The Autobiography of Harry P.
3. The Wand in the Willows
2. Harry Potter, Superstar
1. Are You There, God? It's Me, Harry Potter.
Only a week until the Decathlon. Better rest up.