Sunday, October 7, 2007

The Self-Indulgent Post

Well, they are really all self-indulgent posts, of course. But this one is special. This one is all about me, michael5000. Me, me, me. I'm sure this is going to be riveting for you.

michael5000: the Poll

Before we go any further, I want to call your attention over to the right hand side of your monitor. Underneath my photo is a brief poll. Just one question, actually. Please take a moment to fill it out. The answer you give will help the L&TM5K serve you better.

michael5000: the Answers

On Friday, I was inspired (if that's the word) to create an is/isn't quiz about myself. Here are the answers. If you are coming along late and for some reason want to try your hand at the quiz before you see the answers, well, it's here.

Interestingly, knowing me personally did not seem to be any particular help in knowing this stuff (unless you happen to be married to me). This is probably because I am so cool, aloof, and guarded in my interpersonal interactions. Whatever, it's nice to know I still have some surprises up my sleave.

Here we go:

1. When I was a child living on the Oregon Coast, I was the first to discover a body that had washed up on the beach. False. This is not reality so much as a recurrant dream sorta dealie. Creepy, no?

2. I won Oregon's state high school mathematics tournament. Twice. Damn straight I did. Mathematic ability is probably the closest thing I have to a natural gift, but of course I am perverse and turned my back on it.

3. I had a full scholarship to design school, but dropped out after one semester because I thought the world of fashion was shallow and stupid. Nah. I didn't even learn to sew until I was 25. Knowing me in person seemed to help a little with this one. (But Karin? Regarding your comment? I love you. And, bite me.)

4. I was at one time a diagnosed agoraphobic, and for several months could only leave my house with great difficulty and for limited time periods. 'Fraid so. That was some spooky shit. 99.9% under control these days, thanks.

5. At age 26, I was a tenure-track Assistant Professor at a Midwestern university. True. Fastest PhD west of the Missouri. Giddeyup.

6. I once drove 50 miles and checked into a motel for the weekend for the purpose of breaking up with a girlfriend over the phone, knowing she wouldn't be able to come talk to me. This is the one Mrs.5000 wavered on. It is in fact false, but only because I never thought of it back in the day. If any of you young dudes use the idea, please send me 20 bucks.

7. I have a definitive written record of every highway I've ever driven on or rode down. Oh my yes. I even showed pictures of it a few months ago.

8. I spent six days in a Kansas prison on a bogus assault charge before being exonerated. Nah, not true. I fooled no one with this one.

9. I have long since abandoned store-bought undergarments in favor of much more comfortable boxers that I make myself. It is true. The great mass of men are slaves, and factory-made boxers are their shackles. But I am free.

10. I have never eaten at McDonalds. Everyone who responded thought this was a lie. Funny. It's 100% true.

Footnote: a few years ago, a public radio program was scouting for people who had never eaten at McDonalds. It turned out that what they wanted was for me to eat at a McDonalds with a microphone in my face, and then discuss the experience afterwards. I declined.

11. I quit a high school teaching job two weeks into the school year on September 12, 2001. It's true. It had nothing to do with national events, though.

12. I have a hard time throwing away magazines. There is a section of our basement called "The Magazine Room" where I store all of our back issues in perfect chronological order. They go back 25 years. No way. What am I, some kind of weirdo?

michael5000: the Cross-Reference

To vote on a name for this quilt, go here.

Or, if you are interested in participating in my daft idea for a "Decemberists theme quilt challenge," in referring a friend to it, or in just mocking it, go to the same place and scroll down a bit.

See ya tomorrow for the Monday Quiz!


Karin said...

ahHA! I did really well! So, dude, where's my star? I only compete for extrinsic reward.

And what? You've never eaten at McDonald's? How does that happen? I mean, I never eat there anymore, but how did you make to say, age 30, without ingesting anything from Mickey D's? What were you eating in H.S. and college?

Heatherbee said...

Hey, I didn't think I did so badly either! I was only wrong on a couple of answers, whether you count my wavers or not. And you think you're SOOOOO mysterious. Hah.

You did fool me with the McD's, though. I was one of those kids who had PRACTICALLY never eaten at a McDonald's, but circumstances have sometimes left me little choice, so I doubted the feasibility of total avoidance.