Thursday, October 16, 2008

DorkFest Friday

This Post Was Written on my New Laptop Computer

My new laptop computer arrived on Wednesday. It is superior to the 1999 laptop that I have been using hitherto in a number of ways:
  • it exceeds the older machine in memory, speed, and processing power by roughly the same factor by which the older machine exceeds a toaster.

  • its screen is still securely attached to its keypad.

  • it was not manufactured during the three-day period when people thought that computers of the future might connect to the internet through an infrared beam.

  • its battery will hold a charge significantly longer than my older laptop's 2 to 4 seconds.

  • it is capable of using those newfangled flash drives.

  • it is connectable to the internet by means other than dial-up (or, theoretically, infrared).

  • it is lighter, yet has a larger screen.

  • it is blue.
So of course I am very excited. With this kind of portability, I will be able to create top-quality content for you and yours at coffeeshops throughout the City of Roses! I will be able to maintain the L&TM5K not just from anywhere in Castle5000, not just from anywhere in the city, but from anywhere in the world! I will never need to be away from the blog again! So I am very pleased, and so of course is Mrs.5000.

The Obvious Question

The obvious question, though, is: what should I name my new machine? Being a deeply traditional man, I like to consult the calandar of saints when I name my computers. The old laptop, for instance, is Vincent, as it was St.Vincent's Day (I forget which day, or even which St. Vincent) in 1999 when it arrived in my home. It's tricky, though, because October 15 is a bit of a saint's day bonanza! Here are the choices:
  • Agileus

  • Antiochus

  • Aurelia of Strasbourg

  • Bruno of Quefort

  • Callistus

  • Cannatus

  • Fortunatus

  • Gaius of Korea

  • Leonard Vandoeuvre

  • Lucian of Antioch

  • Odilo

  • Sabinus

  • Severus

  • Teresa of Avila

  • Thecla of Kitzengen

  • Wulfram of Sens

Now, I'm going to stick with first names only, because having a computer named "Bruno of Quefort" would be pretty damn silly (unless I lived in Quefort, but I don't). Having a computer named "Bruno" might be kind of tight, though. "Gaius" is right out though, as it would remind me of Caligula. And I don't want my computer to be named "Teresa," because that's too close to Tereza, so that name is taken.

What do you think? Me and my little blue, nameless machine await your input....

But what does all of this have to do with DorkFest?

Why, nothing at all. Why do you ask?

DorkFest Related Material!!

As the great yearly celebration of DorkFest continues, Rebel wrote in to rectify what she refers to as a "gross oversight": the lack of a DorkFest flag. She offers two prospective designs, which I shall present here without further comment:

And la gringissima sends this in, with the question "does past dorkiness count?"

My answer is that yes, past dorkyness certainly counts -- but I would also want to see some contemporary material from the Brothers Gringissima.

Anyway, to get yourself caught up, here's

The Complete DorkFest Material to Date!

DorkFest 2008 -- the Original Post
DorkFest 2008 -- the Tuesday Post
Rebel's DorkPost
d's DorkPost
Yankee in England's DorkPost
la gringissima's DorkPost
Bridget B's Old Oregon Flag Contest Post, Dorkily Submitted as a DorkPost
Phineas' DorkPost
Fingerstothebone's DorkPost

update: Dan's post which may be an intentional DorkPost, or may just be fortuitously named

update: MJ's DorkPost

update: Blythe's DorkPost

There's one more day to Flaunt your Dork! The rigorous evaluation process will begin sometime on Saturday! And then, the world will hold its breath and wait.... for the next Dork to be announced!


Anonymous said...

Dude! This is so cool! Such wonderful saints to choose from! Some preliminary advice:

1. Severus may sound highly attractive to you, but every Harry Potterite on the planet will mistake you for a Slytherin wannabe, so consider it right out.

2. Wulfram! Wulfram of Sens! That's pretty kick-ass, you must admit. You know Wulfram: converted the son of King Radbod. . . said to possess the finest steeple in all England. . . sounds pretty hot. . . hey, he protects against the dangers of the sea! That's a good superpower for a blue laptop.

3. Fortunatus sounds great, but as a saint he wasn't important enough to have his own Wikipedia article, which seems like it should be a prerequisite for canonization, wouldn't you think?

4. Bruno of Querfurt--well traveled, apparently quite a good writer--I think Life of St. Adalbert is on your reading list, no?--beheaded by the Prussians, I'm afraid--there's a charming fresco fragment in Wiki if you like headless prayerfulness. Doesn't his fallen mitre look a bit like a fishhead? I thought so too. Well Bruno would make a fine name, I think. A very man's-best-friend kind of name.

Thecla of Kitzengen sounds promising, but I hear you're done grading the quiz, so I'll quit. I think it's good to have a name that you know how to pronounce, by the way, which rules out a lot of these jolly candidates for me. . .

Sorry I'm not more of a geek. . . gotta run. . .

Yankee in England said...

1. Dude where is the picture of new member of MK5000 family member?

2. Given your feelings about gender roles and why they are meant be broken oh sock darner of the Castle 5000 I a slightly worried that you went with a blue computer. I would have been much more confident in you choice of Pink with Gerbera Daisy stickers but I am working through those issues.

3. I am glad that you can now post from anywhere in the world and I am probably guessing that if you had a few hundred thousand dollars to blow on a ticket you could even post from outerspace. Think about that and maybe we can start a send MK5000 to outerspace campaine.

4. Names. So I am partial to Gaius though when I tell you why you may decide that in no way would you like to be affiliated with it. Gaius is the name of the snivaling wimpy and easly turned but yet still interesting charecter on Battlestar Galactica. I am also found of Sabinus but no paticular reason just like it. I like it so much that if you don't use it I might name my first child that. Okay no that would just be cruel but maybe Sabine.

5. Not that this probably coun't for anything but I vote for Rebel as Dorkfest 08s champion. Rex if you are reading this I am still waiting for the picture of the shoe with words written in, it might be enough to sway my vote.

6. I vote for flag number 2

The Calico Cat said...

it exceeds the older machine in memory, speed, and processing power by roughly the same factor by which the older machine exceeds a toaster.

You crack me up & I needed it!

I vote for Bruno. But Gaius would remind you of the wonderful election....

MJ said...

are you sure you don't want your computer to be a "Teresa"? She could levitate, you would have the lightest computer in the planet!
Thecla is also very suitable, it's just like "tecla" in Spanish (which means key, as in keybord). Easy to remember, and shorter than "Fortunatus".

Rebel said...

WOW! I thought that flag gambit would put me over the top... but check out Gringissima... that's some top level dorkiness. I especially like the side ponytail.

As for the computer name... well, I'd have to meet your computer first. Can you at least post a picture?

Severus and Gaius are both awesome names, but will have saint/pop-culture disambiguation issues.

Rebel said...

And Yankee... your check's in the mail. ;)

Yankee in England said...

@rebel Thanks with the current econonic situation every little helps.

Anonymous said...

For the laptop name, as I don't care for the existing possibilities, I suggest abandoning your custom altogether and replacing it with surnames of extremely bad-ass characters from Coen Brothers' movies. You could start by choosing from:

SMALLS - the hog-riding bounty hunter in Raising Arizona

GRIMSRUD - the wood-chipper using blond stoic in Fargo

CHIGURH - the walking death machine in No Country for Old Men

Libby said...

Yeah, Teresa of Avila was probably the most badass saint on that list - Therese of Lisieux and Mother Teresa of Calcutta took their names from her - your laptop could be next in that illustrious line!!

Otherwise I sort of like Antiochus or Lucian of Antioch.

Anonymous said...

I quite like Rebel's faux rebus Dorkfest flag #1, even though flag #2 would instantly score about 84% in flag recognition quizzes.

Rex Parker said...

The flag gambit was off-puttingly ingratiating. That pic is indeed super-dorky, but those bros. are the ones who should be in the contest: they are throwing it Down.

I teach Shakespeare in prison, which is only half-dorky. However, to choose the plays I would teach, rather than make a reasoned, professional decision, I drew up a 32-slot NCAA-style bracket and had the plays fight it out - the Elite Eight got to be on the syllabus.

Shakespeare Bracketology


Anonymous said...

Congrats on the new acquisition! For some reason Callistus jumps ahead of the pack for me. I don't know what he did, but it's a pretty cool name. When you name a piece of electronic equipment after a saint, is it inclined to die in a similar fashion to its namesake?

margaret said...

You've got to name it Bruno! Besides sounding downright badass, it was also the nickname of my first true luv.

I am stunned into silence by all the dorkiness thus posted and vote for Flag no. 1.

Chance said...

Had a laptop and called him Blue...

Ben said...

Well, you can't use Aurelia, since that means "golden", and your laptop (as you mentioned several times) is blue.

Since laptops are ofter referred to as "notebooks" these days, "Bruno the blue notebook" has a nice ring.

If you named it "Cannatus", every time it crashed, you could call it "CanNOTus" in derision. Not that your new laptop will EVER crash.

Fortunatus--now that's optimistic.

Odilo means "he who is fortunate in battle." Might be appropriate if you also use your laptop for Spore.

fingerstothebone said...

I've been thinking about the computer name AND the dork flag. I'm giving it lots of thinking, which is why I'm late to the table here.

On the name -- I like Teresa, although you've already rejected it, for not a very good reason I think. But St. Teresa of Avila always brings the giggles in me. Here's what she said of her vision (from wiki):

I saw in his hand a long spear of gold, and at the iron's point there seemed to be a little fire. He appeared to me to be thrusting it at times into my heart, and to pierce my very entrails; when he drew it out, he seemed to draw them out also, and to leave me all on fire with a great love of God. The pain was so great, that it made me moan; and yet so surpassing was the sweetness of this excessive pain, that I could not wish to be rid of it. The soul is satisfied now with nothing less than God. The pain is not bodily, but spiritual; though the body has its share in it. It is a caressing of love so sweet which now takes place between the soul and God, that I pray God of His goodness to make him experience it who may think that I am lying.

Well, ok, now lets have a moment to regain our composure.

My Art History professor read this out loud to a hall of 200+ college students. He found it greatly entertaining, I'm sure.

Then, the dork flags -- I don't know, the first flag unnecessarily gives dorkhood a male spin, don't you think? And for that reason, I reject it. Of the 2nd flag, well, I'm still thinking.

And more about naming of computers -- you got it right, you've got to have a good theme going. Our thing here at the Bones Cave is 'bats.' Anything bat related. We've had guano (a PC, naturally), gotham, vampire, bullet, red, moonlight, and more (I can't remember the older ones now).

Anonymous said...

Good Lord! You've won your own contest.

Nichim said...

If I subscribed to your naming scheme, I'd name my computer Thecla for the same reasons as MJ (similarity to Spanish tecla), but in our house saints are for naming recipes. Computers are named for cities of great renown; mine is Addis Ababa. I don't think the Michael at my house has named his new laptop yet, though. Any suggestions?

For your new blue computer, I do think Bruno seems appropriate.

d said...

you can't go wrong with naming anything fortunatus. i mean, c'mon.

G said...

M5K and I agreed last night via top-secret gmail chat on our front-runners, but there's still time to sway our minds.

I sincerely feel that not enough brown-nosing of the '07 Dork (and '08 JUDGE, might I remind you) has taken place. ...But you know, that might just be me.

Anonymous said...

Bruno! or Severus.

Congrats on the new machine.

That second flag made me laugh out loud. Interrobangin.

I must check out more of these entries. Haven't been able to post much so they are my studies for next year.

fingerstothebone said...

I sincerely feel that not enough brown-nosing of the '07 Dork (and '08 JUDGE, might I remind you) has taken place.

Oh my goodness, what an oversight!

g -- you are the finest Arch Dork the world has seen, and it will be an honor to follow in your footsteps...

Rebel said...

You're looking mighty dorky tonight g. =)

Rex Parker said...

I am against brown-nosing on principle. That said, I have been "Following" g's blog since well before this damned contest ever started ("Following" being a technical Blogger thing where you get all updates of whatever blogs you choose). Further, I think she's so awesomely creative that I actually *commissioned* her to design the banner for my vintage paperback site. "Commissioned" as in "paid her money." Lastly, I was the only one with balls enough to taunt "g" constantly and mercilessly during last year's battle for dorkness - a sign of my deep respect for her overwhelming dorkitude. So if I don't win this thing, really, I'm not sure what else I could have done (while still maintainnig the slightest semblance of dignity).


Anonymous said...

I'm very, very partial to Wulfram.

Jennifer said...

As somebody who spends a lot of time with Shakespeare, I would like to point out that, when faced with his brilliant writing, I like to count words. In fact, I'm kind of addicted. The best diet for me is to give me English Drama database and say, "Have you ever wondered whether Shakespeare is more likely to use 'betwixt' or 'between'? And how did that usage match up against that of his contemporaries?" I often literally forget to eat when doing such research.

Also, when I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with the second quarto of Hamlet in the Trinity College library at Cambridge, you know what I did with it? I examined each printed letter with a hand lens to see what kind of damage had been done to the type, drew little pictures of the letters in a notebook and recorded where I saw them, and got to know the individual pieces of type by their dings and dents. Even the librarian was confused.

@rex parker--by the way, I'm dying to know how the plays fought it out in your brackets. How did you make your choices? (And, not that it's an unreasonable choice, but why no 2 & 3H6?)

Rex Parker said...

H6? H6? I've never seen H6, any part of it, on any Sh syllabus, ever, in my life (was that emphatic enough?).

Had to take off H4 because cramming in that many plays proved impossible (they could have done the reading, as they are voracious that way, but they really really Really want to understand the plays as completely as possible, so we pared down the primary reading - and upped the secondary)

They read out loud last night the part of 12th Night where Malvolio finds the forged letter, and I swear to God they were laughing the whole way through. They kept stopping to revel in what was happening, translating the play into modern idiom, etc. One guy was wiping tears out of his eyes he was laughing so hard. This is a room full of (once) violent criminals I'm talking about. It was So Awesome.

Jennifer said...

That's fantastic! Just imagining your scene makes me smile pretty hard.

As for the Henry 6s, I love 'em! I teach them about every other year, and while they are not universally adored, I always get some strong converts who are surprised that history plays are the ones that so successfully combine elements from all the other different genres--even romance. (I love the scene when Margaret and Suffolk say goodbye in Part 2.)

Anyhow, I love to talk Shakespeare teaching--I may pester you more in a couple weeks (big deadline coming up in the short term).

Rex Parker said...

OK, it seems perhaps that you had to post an official DorkPost at your own blog to qualify for this thing??? If that's so, then I submit my 2 blogs in their entirety. Writing about crosswords every day, and writing about my thousands of (meticulously labeled, bagged, tagged) vintage paperbacks three times a week should be worth something.


blythe said...

my new laptop is named link, as in the legend of zelda. can't go wrong with old school NES. if only i could figure out how to use thisthis instead of my start up chime.

Karin said...

you name your laptops?

Rebel said...

You don't?

I named mine Sophia... for wisdom. Although to be honest, she's been used far less for gaining wisdom and far more dorkin' around on the interwebs.

Michael5000 said...

Thanks one and all for the name suggestions. I was particularly moved by the advocates for Wulfram and Thecla, and actually was wavering on the brink of going with Teresa -- but then, after reading Fingers' description of her vision, I had to reject it. That saint is waaaaay too sexy. I have to run my hands over this machine, and me a married man! We're going with "Bruno."

I like Nichim's practice of naming computers after world cities, though, so I'm borrowing it for my (now usable) flash drives, "Lubumbashi" and "Luanda."

Bridget said...

Hurray! I was going to vote for "Bruno," too.

Sadly, I wasn't quite feeling dorky enough to really officially enter Dorkfest '08, but now I think I may need to start gathering fodder for next year . . . I'm beginning to think perhaps I really am enough of a dork, I just need time to really gather up the evidence. . .

Rebel said...

So... as a married man, you'd rather run your hands all over "Bruno"?

Dan Nolan said...

oh. my. fucking. god. I cannot belIEVE I missed Dorkfest. What the fuck is wrong with me. My obsession with the polls is taking over my life and seriously screwing up my priorities. I check into dailykos about 20 times a day (not joking). The dork post you linked to was in fact unintentional and fortuitously named. If only I wasn't so busy dorking out on my blog, I could have been dorking out in the company of fellow dorks on your blog in an actual celebration of dorkiness. sigh.

Dan Nolan said...

I'm submitting my lament on this post, so as not to impinge upon the glory of the winners in your most recent post. My tardiness has rightly disqualified me from consideration in this contest. If only for my own sanity, please allow me to inform you of what my submission would have been, were I to have submitted on time: my father and I do dueling Henri Toulousse Latrec jokes. His is a two liner: Latrec was at the dinner table as a little boy, tugging at the collar of his shirt. His mom asked him "what's wrong? Too tight, Toulousse?" Mine is an impression in which I simply drop to my knees and say nothing. The father-son, one-two punch kills at parties. I mean, it really kills a party.

sigh. Well, it may not have even placed in this impressive fest, but you'd have to admit: it's dorky.

Michael5000 said...

@dan: Dorky! Don't despair; you've got a whole year to get your resume together for DF2009.