Sunday, July 26, 2009

Reader Response Theory

Bad News for Eversaved

In the comments following last Thursday's Quiz, Eversaved asked:

I'm going to fail the GRE, again, just like I almost failed every math class I
ever took since kindergarten, aren't I?
Well, Ms. Saved, I don't have any particular talent for prognostication, so I turned to the traditional fortune-telling method of my people. I refer of course to a Magic Eight Ball. Except, I don't really have a Magic Eight Ball, so I used an online version. And here's the answer that came back.

Hey! I'm just the messenger!! Also, if it's any comfort, you can't really "fail" the GRE per se. It's not a pass/fail test, and you should remember that. It's simply a crude diagnostic tool. One that has the power to crush your hopes and dreams. Ha! Ha! Just kidding, of course. No pressure!

Calico Eyes Her Swag

It's only natural that anyone who has accumulated a huge pile of loot would want to enjoy rolling around in it. Look at Smaug the Dragon! Or Scrooge McDuck! Or the late Sam Walton!

The Calico Cat, who this week became the 18th person to become a Quiz Legend by winning at least one of each color of Star, is feeling a similar impulse:

Oh & I want to "see" these stars, now that I have collected them all!
Very well, Calico. Here are your Stars.

And to all of you who have had concerns about your virtual Stars and Exclamation Points, I just want you to be aware that here at the L&TM5K we take virtual Bling security very seriously indeed. The Stars are kept in a totally tamperproof system with encrypted password protection, and strict policies are in place to ensure that no outside parties ever have access to your virtual trophy case. It's just another service that we are proud to offer our readers. And remember, under the FDIC the Federal Government insures up to 20 Stars and Exclamation Points per contestant!

The Tomato Update

Everyone and their dog has been asking me about the tomato thing. Elaine has been the most aggressive, but it was DrSchnell who felt compelled to send me this photograph, which he apparently took last year after a tomato-pickin' session in the gardens at Schnell Manor:

Well thanks, DrSchnell. I guess. Although, just because I'm trying to acquire a taste for tomatoes doesn't necessarily mean I need to see your sick, sick tomato porn. But whatever. I don't judge.

So, as of this writing it's what, Day Six I guess. It's been rather unremarkable. I certainly don't look forward to the daily tomato(es), but it does seem like they are maybe slightly less disgusting then they were at first. Oh, and on Day Four I arbitrarily stepped it up from one to two grape tomatoes per day, and that's gone fine. So, there you go. The tomato report. Riveting.

Dug Has Some Boring Postcard Questions

The Lloyd Center covers 56 blocks? asks Doug. Who knew? Well, ~I~ sure didn't! And, I note that the Lloyd Center proper extends from NE 9th to NE 16th between Multnomah and Halsey, which are 3 blocks apart, thereby "covering," if you include its parking lots -- let's see -- 21 blocks. Toss in the Lloyd Cinemas, and you'd have at least another 6. Surrounding commercial development would bump it up to around 56 blocks, I suppose, but that's getting a little dodgey.

A more interesting question in my mind would have been "is it really still the world's largest?!" The answer, of course, is "Of course not, fool!" although I guess it's technically still the largest in Oregon. Also, Wiki says that it was really only the third largest even when it opened, because New Jersey and L.A. already had bigger malls, but anybody can put anything on Wikipedia you know and ALL of us old Portland types know that the Lloyd Center was the biggest mall in the world.

To the question Does a postcard need to be really old to be boring? Was there a boring era for postcards? the answer is technically, no. But postcards were a lot more common in the past, which I think both increased the overall volume and made for looser quality control. And, it was harder work to cobble together an unboring image, what with the absence of Photoshop and what-not. But also, a "vintage" boring postcard is a hell of a lot more charming, because you can pretend it's a relic from a naive past that our culture has collectively outgrown. Whereas the newer ones tend to just be depressing; we put 'em in the collection, but they usually aren't the showhorses.

Do you have a question that wasn't answered in this post? Put it in the comments. I'll answer it to the very best of my ability!


Dug said...

I'm guessing the mall probably has 2 or 3 stories in which case they can maybe double/triple their "blocks". Exaggeration is the cornerstone of the boosterism industry.

Yankee in England said...

I miss the M5K kitchen post I have been meaning to comment about it for a while but then I forget. This seems as good a time as any to ask when/if it will return.

Michael5000 said...

@Yankee in England: Sometime in the fall, I'd expect!

Elaine said...

Aggressive? Moi?

Perhaps you could satisfy Yankee-in-England's bereavement by contributing a tomato recipe!
(Just a thought! Uttered in dulcet tones--not unlike that of the dove--and accompanied by a tranquil, compassionate smile--not unlike that of the Mona Lisa or the Angel of the Annunciation!)

The Calico Cat said...

& they are so pretty. :o)

DrSchnell said...

Mmmmmm..... sick, sick tomato porn!

Jenners said...

What was the mall in NJ? Need to know ASAP.

Michael5000 said...

@Jenners: False alarm. It was in a different part of suburban NYC, Long Island. The Roosevelt Field Mall. Sorry to get you all riled up for nothing.

Eversaved said...

Not even a maybe? Oh, no! The stupid magic eight ball is so damn cheerful with its answer, what with its exclamation mark and all.

You've read my blog (Eversaved's Epic Fail). You should know that I can (and will, apparently!) find a way to fail the GRE.