Title: Three-Dollar Mile
Author: Ian Banyon
Cover artist: uncredited
Yours for: oh, I don't know. $5?
Best Things About This Cover:
- "I appreciate the courtesy of this house call, Dr. Abrams. Now, as we discussed on the phone, the growth is right here on my left buttock."
- It's technically possible to extend one's right arm around a friend in that position, but it'll be agonizing if he holds the pose very long.
- There really ought to be some trace of the dame's lower half visible beside or under the cushy chair. Unless we're seeing her caught in mid-leap as she hikes up her leopardskin pants.
- Leopardskin pants.
- The painting is quite competant, with hasty but not terrible brushwork.
- Damn kids these days can't even be bothered to capitalize the title of their own books, what with all the texting.
Best Things About This Back Cover:
- Who can say "no" to a vast field of burnt orange?
- Dave "aspired"? He "sought"? Is this teaser copy, or the man's goddam resume?
- Hmm, she had "very different plans," eh? "SOYLENT BURNT ORANGE.... IS.... STARLETS!!!!"
For a half a second, McGann expected to smell or see booze in the room. Then he realized the pair were in the middle of a beef.
"Hey, where did you find that beef?" blustered McGann. "All I could find down at the store was Soylent Burnt Orange."
~un hommage a Rex Parker
Book found by chance at the Goodwill "Bins," Sellwood.
8 comments:
Rex Parker will almost certainly be in touch! He can't resist burnt orange, and your price is dirt cheap. Now, M5000, did you read the whole book, or was it too stodgy?
Quel homage!
My attention was kind of caught by the guy's pants on the front cover, and it's not just the fact that his suit looks green, at least on my monitor.
As for the guy's pretzelish armwork, I believe we're seeing the first signs of why the "casting armchair" never caught on.
If "competant" is the new "incompetent," then I agree with you whole-heartedly. Hardly anything I own is this @#$#ing ugly. This is a special kind of ugly. Depressing-Ugly.
I love when publishers run cover copy over a mottled background, thereby both ruining the cover art and rendering the cover copy illegible. I call this the "my eyes!" school of text/picture interaction.
Leopardskin pants,
RP
P.S. I have to believe the original title on this was "three-dollar hooker."
PPS it's worth at least $10 (and my prices always include shipping, so $5 is indeed a ridiculous bargain)
@Elaine: You caught me. I didn't read it.
@Jennifer: Sucker for a man in a green suit, eh?
@Rex: How dare you impugn the competancy of my spelling!
Five bucks stands if anyone wants the book; I paid about a nickel for it and it has now served its purpose. It's intact although moderately scuffed (visible in photos) and smells a little musty.
Alternatively, I will ship it free to anyone who agrees to read it in its entirety and write up a suitably entertaining review for us.
I'd totally review it - as you said, who can say "no" to a vast field of burnt orange? - but I doubt you want to ship this sucker to Australia. So instead I'll just say that Green Pants is looking a wee bit happy to be poking Footless Dame in the belly button. Then again, she looks happy to be poked, so who am I to judge?
Oh, and I kind of dig the blue armchair. (Can you tell I've been furniture shopping lately?)
@Lisa in Oz -- I'd love to ship this sucker to Australia! Unfortunately, I already promised an email correspondant I'd send it to Canada. But you can take consolation that at least it will be in a large but sparsely-inhabited former outpost of the British Empire!
Green Pants DOES look happy to be fondling Footless Dame's abs, but I'm sure this is just because of his professional commitment to building up young actresses.
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